Discovery...

I am very please to discover that I FINALLY found a was to tolerate Ty's father. Randy had to come to my house this morning after he took Ty to school because Ty is on medication and that has to be transferred from house to house and I still can't drive because of the medication that I am on. So for over an hour he sat here with me and we talked an actually had a decent conversation. After he left I realized that we accomplished a set holiday schedule for who gets Ty when and at what times of the day etc etc...

It was nice. I had an hour long conversation...face to face...no argument, no issue, no fuss. And then I remembered that I am on oxycodone. Hmmmm. Coincidence? I don't think so. So now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I have to be heavily medicated to carry an adult conversation with my ex, or the fact that I can't remain on the drug forever to ensure we can always communicate like that.

Interesting. Now I just need to decide if that's a reflection on him or me.

Not well today.

So today I am not doing so well. I have been dizzy pretty much all day, lightheaded, and nauseous. Nate seems to think that some of the medication is accumulating in my system, so he thinks I should not take benegryl with my pain medication. The only problem with that then is I will break out in hives. I haven't decided to lesser of the 2 evils. But I know right now I can't stand for more then about 30 seconds or I feel like I am going to fall over.

I am also very disappointed to find today that when I stood on the scale in the bathroom I weighed over 2 pounds heavier then before the surgery. Everything that I have put in my body has been healthy, and I know I am not eating too much. Ive been drinking a lot of water, but I know I have been voiding out what I have been putting in. I know weight change doesn't happen overnight, but I though for practically not eating for almost 4 days would have attributed to some fluid weight loss. I am going to try to not get discouraged though. I knew this was going to be hard.

I miss Ty today. I miss his help too. The cute little "are you okay mommy?" questions that come from his mouth are absent today. I like knowing that he is here. I love knowing that when he is here he knows how to call for help if we needed it. I have been working on that a lot lately too.

I picked up my cross stitch that I started in February. I swear I am never going to get the thing done, but I am motivaed again. I think for my next project I will submit a photo and have it put into pattern to cross stich...now to just find the right picture for it.

When I was going through all the pictures to put them in the album I came across the PERFECT gift for Randy for christmas. Every year we get each other something "from Ty." I think it's something that is nice and we should be doing for/with Ty. Well I fouund a picture of Lilly (our dag that Randy got custody of) with Ty as an infant posing on top of her and Ty has the bigest smile on his face. So I figured I will go out, get a nice matte for it and a (cheap) nice picture frame. And Voila! I think it's a great idea, and it won't cost a lot of money either.

Okay, that's it for now...I am sleeeeepy.

Vow to blog more...

Today was an okay day. I feel rather productive because I managed to complete the task that I have given myself to do that I figured would take my entire recovery time, but it did not. I had hundreds of printed pictures of Ty that I had from before I owned a digital camera and they were all loose in a box. Well, not anymore. They are (in my best guess) in chronological order, nothing fancy...I am not patient enough to scrapbook...nor do I have the extra money right now to invest in all those scrapping supplies. So now I have been contemplating going into all the monthly folders that I have of Ty from the moment I bought a digital camera. Yes, I have a folder for each MONTH of each year that Ty has been with me since he was about 20 months old...and I'll tell you, it's a lot of pictures. But I think I decided to save that project for a time when Ty is with Randy for an extended period of time...like say, summers. And I am also waiting for the price of the picture books to come down. I want to do one of those hard covered, your pictures are really the pages, kind of books...and since they started to become popular and more and more companies can do them the price keeps going down. Part of me wants to do one for every year Ty is in school, but I don't know if I will be able to keep up with something like that, you know?

In other news, I am feeling rather terrific given the circumstances. I really couldn't imagine this being too much better then it is with the surgery. That makes me very happy since Ty was just diagnosed AGAIN today with strep. He has an appointment with an ENT on December the 3rd and it looks like his ton sills will be removed over his winter holiday break. Poor guy. Would it be mean if I confessed that I am kind of glad that this isn't 'my' year to have Ty for Christmas if he is going to be going through this. I am happy about it because I will end up with him more then I would have before this had to happen because of the circumstances.

I have decided to cook more after I get better. I have spent a lot of time on the Internet looking up healthy easy recipes and I am sick and tired of eating the same crap. It's just that I hate this house with the kitchen. I have literally 12 inches of counter space and that makes making any kind of decent meal really hard to make just due to lack of space. But I decided on a lifestyle change that took effect the day of my surgery because I want to be healthier and that won't come out of nuking lean cuisines every day. And I know that Nate and Ty will benefit too. So, I consider it a win-win situation.

The downside to that is while I am accumulating a nice stack of recipes, I am also accumulating a nice list of groceries. I am glad I am doing it now though because we have a 10% off coupon for Giant for their thanksgiving promo. So, that 10% will really be put to great use.

I would really like to start blogging on a more regular basis...I think it will keep me motivated to discuss my cooking trials and errors...I am sure there will be much more of the errors. I was not blessed by the betty crocker fairy like my sister.

Post Surgery

I really can't complain about how I felt immediately after surgery. I felt much better then I expected...but then after I tried to go to sleep tonight, even with a humidifier in practically in my face I can't sleep. I just can't. My nose feels constricted with the swelling in the back of my mouth and breathing thru my mouth dries it and and it hurts t swallow so when my saliva accumulates in my mouth and I go to swallow in subconsciously I start to cough:: insert IMMENSE pain here: : So here I am, 2am and wide awake. Nate gave me benadryl...We should see if that will help.

I had to get some benedryl at the surgical center today because I was having a reaction to the pain meds that they gave me, and ironically enough it's the same pain meds that I got a prescription for. Lucky me. But I broke out in hives there, but don't seem to be having a problem with that now. Hmmmm.

Ty, well...he's another story. He has been the BIGGEST mother hen. If he ever becomes a big brother, I think he would do an excellent job. Anything I wanted he got. Even when I didn't say I wanted or needed anything he was asking me if he could get or do something for me.

My mother was astounded by how much he insisted on doing himself. I would ask her something and Ty would be like "No NO NO! I'll get it (or do it) for MY Mommy!" He would put his hand gently on my face and rub it and be like "you okay, Mommy?" So sweet.

I know it could be worse, but right now...I just want to get some sleep.

okay, so it's been over a month...

there is actually quite a lot going on right now so I'll do the best I can.

#1 Wednsday I am going under anestesia for the THIRD time this year. I would love to say that now that my boobs are done and my lipo scars have healed that I am going in for a brazilian butt lift...but sadly no. None of that is true. After girley surgery for endomotriosis and a loverly colonoscopy I am having my tonsils removed. Fun fun fun. In a very small way I am looking forward to it becaue I am using that as my ''start date" for changing my eating...hopefully forever. I have been up and down on dieting and I am ready to stop and just try to be healthy. More on that to come.

#2 So the default was granted...quickly followed by a motion to vacate the default from the other side that waited almost 2 months to be granted as well...so, after filing in january and here is is NOVEMBER we are STILL at step one. I am pissed, to say the least. If we keep this up Ty will be 18 before we get a court date.

#3 Nate has had SEVERAL calls and a few phone interviews for jobs in florida. I can't make any judgements onw, but I can say that it's looking excellent.

#4 We have been sick sick sick this fall, well, at least Ty and I have been. Strep has been horrible this year, and it Ty's not careful he will be following in my footsteps with a tonsilectomy soon.

#5 I have developed a new passion. And it's LOST. I LOVE that show. Wow, I have never become more engrossed in a ficticious show. It's awesome, to say the least. I started out on season one (obviously) and now I just started season 3. I will probably watch everything that has come out from that point to the end by the time I recover from surgery.

#6 Photography is still going well. It has died down a bit and I suspect that's from the economy, but I am still happy with the few bucks I am making from it.

Today was voting day for the kids at Ty's school and instead of greeting me off the bus with a big HI MOMMY! I got an "I VOTED IN SCHOOL TODAY!"

In which Ty explained that he voted for BoBomma. When I asked him why he voted for him and not "the other guy." he said he liked the way Bobamma looked, he has a nice face. Funny boy.

the coolest underware ever!

So Ty was getting ready for bed after his shower tonight and in a moment of brilliance he decided to explain that he had the coolest underware ever becase it has "this flap in the front and I can pee out of it whenever I want!"

I swear that kid cracks me up sometimes!

Thursday we have a mediation session with our attorneys. We filed for default and it was granted, so that lit a fire under their rear ends...so hopefully we can at least get a trial date because I know we are not coming to an agreement in mediation any time soon.

worried

I have been constantly worried for the past few days. I am worried about my job (you know, working 3 jobs and STILL someone manage to have NO money) I am worried about Ty starting school. I am worried about canceling Ty's before and after school care since I can't seem to find a full time day job that would be worth spending a $108 a week charge for the care. I am worried about all of the money that we have been spending. I have been worried so much it's affecting my sleep and I have a wicked case of acid reflux. I hate acid reflux. And to top it all off I found out today that my husbands reason for spending so much time on the treadmill is because he decided that he needs to lose weight to qualify for a position on a flight team. This petrifies me. Scares me to death. Yet, another thing to worry about.

Refocus...

I have been finding myself on a lot of real estate sites looking at property on the islands. I love doing this. It gets me hyped up for work and it makes me remember why we are in this crappy townhome (still!!) It prevents me from spending money since every penny I have spending makes me think that it's just something that we are going to have to pay to move.

The true set-in-stone plan is that we will move to FL for a few years, potentially up to 10 years, and then off to the islands. I get really excited every time I think about it.

Now off to shower and head in to the job I hate....

120MPH

What's better then being blasted with such force that you reach 120MPH in less then 4 seconds to be taken STRAIGHT up over 400 feet in the air?

Coming straight back down at the same force, or course!

Check out where Nate, my MIL, and I just came home from...

www.cedarpoint.com

and we waited over 2 hours to ride that 17 second coaster of Top Thrill Dragster. Awesome.

Off to pick Ty up. It's my birthday. I am officially 21, with 7 years experience. ;)

$79.50 an hour!

I just had a proofing session with a senior and her parents and they placed an order that makes my profit $79.50 an hour for working! Woohoo! Basically...off that ONE session I can pay my 2 weeks contribution to the bills. And I have another proofing session early next week too!!! I am loving senior picture time. :)

Awesome Wedding

Nate and I spend yesterday shooting an awesome wedding. And the best thing about it was that the bride was a great friend of mine in high school, so it was also like a mini reunion for me too. There were about 6 people that I haven't seen in AGES as well as my old english teacher. It was such a challenge because the ceremony was outside at 8:30. The lighting was tiki torches and SMALL candles. But the result of our efforts was amazing. I swear every wedding I do the pics just keep getting better and better.

The ceremony was at the residence of the bride and groom. It was tucked off of Liberty road in randallstown, totally not where you would expect a 150 year old vinyard complete with a concrete underground cellar what was transformed into a old italian / sicilian style winery filled to the bring with a display of wine bottles and lit with candles galore! Nate spend the better part of the afternoon sweating his butt off taking the best pics I have ever seen down there!

And today was the all day picnic reception. It was just wonderful. I am pooped. Going to bed now...

Note to self:

It's not a good idea to pick on the food that the banquet servers brought in from the 95 degree outside heat that had been sitting for 3 hours the night before a contracted wedding.

Ugh....I was up ALL night.

Sorry I have been lacking here. I have been working 3 jobs that seem to amount to not even close to enough money. All my available time has been used looking for a job or going on interviews.

I am starting to appreciate my $11.50h job at the country club a bit more now though.

Pics are GREAT!

Baby Kelsi is adorable!

I have had such a busy day today, but I will close it out with a post.

It seems that my MIL WILL be moving with us. After much thought and deliberation we are pretty positive that she will join us on our adventurous move and I cannot be happier about the decision. I just spend the last 2 1/2 hours on the phone with her and I am so jazzed right now...even thought I should be sleeping. (I have to work at 9am at the JCC)

I will be helping her select and consult an attorney for her divorce. I feel priviliged that she is asking me for my help in this very personal situation. It not that she isn't strong enough to do it on her own...but I am sure she figured that if someone has "been their, done that, and then burned the tee shirt" they could help her out with some experience and dare I say expertise, then so be it.

Okay, I need sleep now. Bed is calling...

Living the dream: What goes around comes around. That's so profound. (Hey, that rhymes! Yeah, it's REALLY time for bed.)

Yeah Baby!

My friend had her baby last night! A baby girl...and I was one of the first people that they called so I could come in and take pics of the baby! Off to Carroll Hospital Center before I pick Ty up for the week. This was SUCH perfect timing. She wasn't due until July 2nd, but she had other plans :)

*Life is Good*

Yeah, it's looking pretty good these days. I wish I can explain why...but I am sure if I try I will still forget something.

Ty has just been a blessing. It hasn't been totally easy around here for me these past few weeks for various reasons and when he sees me upset he doesn't even ask if I am okay...he just says to me..."Oh Mom, don't be sad, do you want to hear a funny joke?" and then he doesn't wait for my answer and proceeds with some funny thing that comes into his head and then he laughs at himself while he walks away. Man I wold love to live in that head of his for a while.

But everything just seems to be falling into place. Just everything. I came home tonight after taking Ty to the aquarium and the inner harbor today to Nate on the computer going thru a list of hospitals in Florida. Like me, he always goes over board that way, when a decision is made there is no room for regret of "what if" questions lingering in our brain. We pretty much had Tampa pegged. But Nate only eliminated hospitals in the northern part of Fl, (not great scuba diving anywhere up there) the panhandle, and the eastern part as well. So we kind of broadened our search to the Gulf Seaboard all the way down to Naples, but after he visited literally ALL the hospitals websites to see their statistics on open heat procedures and the number of beds they have in their cardio vascular ICU (if they even had one) we are still pretty sure it will be in the greater Tampa Bay area. I would love Clearwater or St. Petersburg too, so this will all work out. Nate had to go into work tonight at 11pm (the reason he didn't go with us to the harbor today) so he's gone now :(

My atty officially filed for a motion of default on Randy's part and apparently she has only heard from Randy's atty once since then and what he said would happen still hasn't (this was over 2 weeks ago) so we have pretty much determined that his atty could give a damn and hopefully if this goes just a weeeeee bit longer the court will proceed without him!

If THAT wasn't enough good news for me, then the fact that heard from Randy tonight telling me that he is getting kicked out of his newly leased house is just the sugar coated top to our plan to provide a better life for Ty. After his foreclosure he will NOT qualify for a mortgage and he won't be able to go to some managed property apartment complex to rent either. Man I would hate to be him right now. He gave me a b.s story about how his landlord (ex girlfriend) owes her parents money (like 80 g's) and so she will be selling the house ( in this market, to who? Who knows...it SAT on the market for over a YEAR before Randy moved it) but you can still be a tenant in a house that is listed on the market, so with Randy telling me that he needs to leave for THAT reason screams to me that the reason is a lie.)

So, in light of all of THAT news Nate and I have decided to cease all discussion with Ty about US moving in a year since he REALLY is going to need the stability of us. Up until now we have been talking to him on an almost daily basis about it so he was prepared for when it happened. But that's okay.

Ty's RSVP's for his birthday party have been VERY positive...it should be a BLAST! I can't believe that SO many people can come on a tuesday night. There is going to be like 20 kids here. ( I hope it doesn't rain!)

Nate and I are going to Cedar Point Ohio for my birthday...this should be fun! So I am excited about that. Their roller coasters seem to be the bomb. Can't wait.

I absolutely HATE my new job for SO SO SO many reasons, but I will suck it up knowing that it's temporary. It's funny...everything I thought I wouldn't like about it is perfectly fine...and everything I thought I would like, I don't. It's interesting. But I will spare any details on that for now.

Nate has been working so much that we have been banging off so much debt I am excited to think about how much money we will have once all the crap has been paid off! I can't wait to buy a house in Florida! His sign on bonus would cover the down payment and the relocation assistance should cover some more too...YEAH!

I am pretty beat from the day so that's it for tonight,

Ho Hum...

We have had a very busy time here lately, but nothing too extraordinary to go into vast detail with.

Last Saturday Nate and I went hiking in Great Falls. It was very hot, but a lot of fun. It kind of felt like we were in Fiji again...when we hiked up the mountain. I managed to only fall once...but I have a hefty bruise on my knee and shin to prove it.

Sunday I started my new job. I think I am going to like it. After all my hesitation and anticipation of how bad it was going to be, I think it will be fine. It helps A LOT to know that this is only temporary. But by the end of my first shift the manager explained that I will be making $.50 more an hour then she initially quoted me when she hired me. I guess she was impressed.

This past monday we picked Ty up and then headed to the Country Club to go play in the pool. Ty discovered his mask and fins and snorkel. I am very excited by this, that means he will be interested in snorkeling excursions when we go on trips!

Tuesday we all went to Hershey Park...Me, Ty, Nate, Jenn, her kids and Mom. It was fun! I actually somehow acquired a tan on my face, but my legs are still pasty...I even broke my "no shorts" rule. Bummer.

Wednsday we relaxed. Period. But I did call the landlord about an unpleaseant odor that seems to be coming form somewhere in the dining area. I had gone thru the entire kitchen looking for something rotting or festering and was unsuccessful. I thought I had singled out the air conditioning unit, so I called him and told him that it smells like there is a dead animal in it, and he came over and insisted that it was the carpet...so when I told him that we have had several reoccuring stains he called his pro carpet cleaning lady and out she came and we got our whole first floor pro deep cleaned! That was awesome!

Then this morning we met up with a bunch of Ty's preschool buddies and we bowled for about 4 hours before I drove Ty down to his fathers house.

Phew. I am exhausted just thinking about how much we have done!

Oh yeah, it's time to go...

Have you ever made a decision, or have had a decision made for you and finally by the time everything is coming to a close you have signs pointing directly to you that it was in fact the time to move on? Well, I am having one of those days today.

It's my last day as a full time employee with the company. I will stay on the roster for an "as needed" employee...but today is the day that if it wasn't my last before I started the day, it probably would have been anyway.

I have had a horrible day. You know, it's funny...when I started orientation with the company I was going through the orientation paperwork with procedures on how to do things on certain types of calls. One section caught my eye...and it was the cardiac arrest procedure. I ever verbalized that even though I had been an EMT for years before I have never had to deal with a DOA (dead on arrival) or a cardiac arrest. And no sooner I said that, our pagers went off for a cardiac arrest.

I don't know why age necessarily makes a difference, but with the probably 100 or so DOA's or arrests that I have been on with this job it doesn't seem to matter so much when they are 90 years old, their spouse that they were with for 50 years dies back in 1980...you know, it's almost like it's their time. But then there is the other extreme.

Fast forward to today, Sunday's aren't typically busy, so I just came back from what might be the last call I run with the company as a full time employee. A one month old cardiac arrest. Man I am so ready to leave this place.

Maybe not...

Okay, so Nate and I drove to VA yesterday to start going through and sorting the 20 some years of "things" at his mothers house to prepare for this move. We figured, if we can make it down there once a month, that's still only 12 days to go through an entire house of stuff to pack and sort. It was weird because his father was there and the man has no idea what's coming to him...but he never even asked why we were there ALL day om the basement going through containers and boxes.

So his mom and I go out to get dinner and on the way to pick it up we start talking. She kept dropping hints that she though one year would be too soon for her to leave. I was totally like...if you know this is happening, if this is what you want, and you have an entire YEAR to get things in line, what's the problem? Plus I told her that Nate has it in him that she going with us, like it or not. He feels that she needs a push and doens't want to leave her in VA alone.

Well, me being the person that I am was VERY nieve to her hesitations until it hit me. I suddenly interupted her in the middle of one of her sentences and belted out..."wait, you are suddenly being insistent on not wanting to go after a few weeks of being gung-ho about this, you met someone didn't you?" And she couldn't contain herself anymore. She was so releived and said..."I didn't want to tell anybody, but yeah..."

And now before me is a 50 year old woman that was so happy and giddy that I couldn't not be happy for her. Listening to her talk about how she is starting to feel feelings that she has repressed for so long made me feel relieved that her husband didn't destroy her forever. They haven't gone on a real date or anything, but they have been talking on the phone and e mailing. It's someone that she has known for 30 some years, they lost touch and then ran into each other by chance. I love stories like that. She really didn't want me to tell Nate because she is concerned about how her children will react to this...so I told him last night to not count on her moving with us just yet because we talked and she has a lot going on...but we'll see what happens.

She wants me to go with her to the consultations that she is making with lawyers. She said she liked the questions that I had for her and she never even thought of asking an atty half those things, and she doesn't want to get screwed. So, I'll go with her whenever she wants me to so I can help in any way I can.

I have to admit, I am kinda bummed because I so wanted her to move with us. I thought it would have been fun. But, things happen for a reason and that woman deserves to be happy, so if this is what it takes then so be it.

What was I thinking?

I am SO beat right now. I went to work Friday morning at 7am...worked until 7am Saturday morning. I went home, took a shower, slept for an hour and a half, got up. Drove to Hanover...I was there from 10:30am until 7pm. I was shooting a wedding yesterday. I have to say that it was SO much fun, but I don't feel bad anymore charging $1500 for a wedding. After paying my assistant, and paying for the proof book...what's left of that $1500 is almost not worth the amount of work it involves. After the event I had over 1200 pictures to sort, edit, rename, etc. Luckily I am working today, so I am technically getting paid to edit these pics too...but I am still running calls and am busy at my "normal" job today too. But that's not the crazy part. Oh, no. The crazy part is that while I was at the reception last night my boss called me and said that there was a call-out last night and he could use me for any part of the shift from that time (4pm) and when I come on at 7am tomorrow. I made it clear that I was not going to leave the wedding reception early for it, but I would be in as soon as I could. So I left the reception a little after 7pm for the hour drive home, just in time to catch a shower, change into my uniform, and head into work by 9:30pm last night. Yes, I have technically been working non stop (with the exception of the hour and a half "nap" I took yesterday morning) since 7am Friday.

I am tired and sore. I never thought stooping down to take pictures ALL day long would be so hard on my body! But I can't wait to do the other weddings that I am contracted for this summer! Apparently there were a few people at that wedding that are getting married at some point this year too...so who knows? I also let the bride and groom know that for any wedding that I book off of theirs I would give them $100 in print credit. They were happy about that.

So, I am going back to editing my pictures now.

Excitment...

So many wonderful things are happening right now I just can't even begin to say...

But here are a few.

I work up yesterday morning to find my car waxed, tires rotated, oil changed, and I even had a full tank of fuel! I love my husband, and I love the fact that he can do all of that by himself,and he enjoys is.

We have a schedule that we are going to stick to for our home. In january Nate is going to go down to florida and interview and get a letter of employment. Then during Ty's easter break from school we are going to go down and secure housing. We are going to try to buy a house, so we will try to put a contract one one while we are there, but if nothing sticks out as "we have GOT to have this" then we will just rent for a while so we will sign a lease while we are there.

I had a very long conversation with my atty yesterday and she gave me all the steps that I need to go through to move with Ty. It's actually a LOT easier then I ever thought it would be. It's because of the way our paperwork is written. It kind of screws his father, but oh well. And I know that he will still see him, he will be going up for all the major holidays, so it's not like I taking him away completely...plus we can give Ty a MUCH better quality of live down there then either of us can give him up here.

I am just very happy right now :)

We have a date...

We have a date. We have a date that we are moving. Nate only does what he says he is going to do, and he has spoken of NOTHING but moving, or what it's going to take to move, and all the logistical "stuff" that's incorperated in moving for the past 2 weeks. At first we put the date preliminarily at June of 2010...and then we thought...why so long? Why not June of 2009? We know we want June or nothing....because then Ty will stay with his father while we are moving and getting settled, and I can find a job and whatnot. Nate will have a job before we establish residence in the state, so that's not an issue.

So, if everything goes according to plan, we are outta here in 13 months. It seems like a LONG time, but trust me, it isn't. So much needs to happen in those 13 months, Nate needs to go down and interview and get an offer of employment so I can process that through the courts for Ty, we need to travel down there and find a place to live...we have to coordinate pasking and shipping of all our crap...we need to figure out what the heck we are going to do with our cars. I am so excited and so nervouse at the same time.

I am also delighted to report that Nate's mother will be moving with us. I don't think she will be moving IN with us, but she will be moving in the vacinity...which will be SO nice...that way we arn't down there alone.

So much to do, so much to do.

I only have 2 more weekends after today. I am going to get a part time job at the JCC where Ty's preschool was over the summer in their babysitting room. Ty is already hounding me about going to the JCC again since he knows preschool is over and I can take him with me, to the area of the JCC where he wants to go, I can be there with him, AND get paid for it. Can't beat that. I'll do that once a week for a few hours.

I am shooting a wedding on saturday. I am axcited about that! It should be FUN!

A door closes and a window opens...

SO I picked Ty up from preschool today, but before I did I went to a local country club to pick up an application for a server position. I figured I would fill it out, dress nicer tomorrow and return it then. After I picked Ty us I took him to the park for over an hour and then I plopped him in the car for the 20 minute ride to another country club so i could pick up another application and do the same, return it tomorrow...

SO I walk in and get an application...the receptionist asked me if I was going to stay there and fill it out and I gestured to the way I look and I told her that I would be returning it tomorrow. Well, we went to leave and Ty sat in his seat in the car perfectly so I asked him if he would mind me filling it out and leaving it there right then. I knew I was pushing my time with him and he said he didn't mind so I filled it out. I even pulled my car up front in the circle of the valet area to run in and drop it off...but Ty said he wanted to come back inside with me...so we went.

I walked up the the reception area and the woman was like..."oh let me call Barb and tell her that you are here." I was like "NO!" I am not dressed to meet anyone in management that might have a hand in hiring me. Well, Bard turns the corner and the receptionist was like..."Barb! This woman just filled out an application..." I was mortified.

But she didn't seem to care after I apologized profusely about the way I looked and the fact that I had my son with me. We spoke for a few minutes and asked me if I would take a drug test and then the next thing I knew I was signing tax forms and was handed an employee manual. The BEST thing of all of this is my base pay is only ONE DOLLAR less then what I am making now! Plus I will get tips from the tables I have. I have to wear a tuxedo shirt and pants, but that's okay. They also dictate how I can and can't speak to the members...for example, if someone asks me for something before I offer it, instead of responding with "okay" or "of course" or anything like that I will HAVE to say, "it would be my pleasure" There is a whole list of "proper responses" that I have to "learn." So we'll see how it goes.

Nate has been talking a LOT about moving. Apparently he has even researched hospitals in the Tampa area that he would want to visit and research harder. He even seemed to research what they would offer if he transferred. Sign on bonus, relocation money, housing stipend, the works. To me I feel like this is a very positive sign. I am so used to people talking about doing things, but when Nate talks, he acts. I can't wait to move.

Thank you!

I'd like to thank whom ever it was that returned my sweet sweet son. Today he was a SAINT. I was dragging that boy from pillar to post today and all the while he had a smile on his face. He even cooperated during my 6 week post op visit to Dr. Ballas today...Dr B could not believe he was 4...he said he would have guessed he was 6!

So I got a phone call today from my boss, I let him leave a message so he could set the tone and vibe for all this mess. He seemed in uppity spirits so I thought he might have some options for me...but something tells me my options will be to go per diem, or quit. Also, this other job I thought to be holding out for at the company was technically posted today and...well...lets just say I am glad I didn't get my hopes up. The annual salary would be around $25,000 with no overtime potential. That would be an ENORMOUS pay cut for me, so I think I'll pass...listen to me, talking as if it was offered to me in the first place.

I dropped an application off today at one place and I am calling another tomorrow to see what I would need to do to submit an application there. Nate thinks I should go for a photographers position at like Picture People or something but do you know what they pay? AAAANNNNDDDD I can kiss my photography business goodbye. What a HUGE conflict of interest that would be, plus I hate the quality (or lack there of...) of their pictures, they are so posed...and what they charge people, I don't think I could handle taking people's money for what they charge...so, no thanks.

I am looking forward to spending an evening with Nate tomorrow...it's his ONLY day off this week...we have exciting plans to go grocery shopping! We sure have come a long way since adventurous Fiji. I think Nate is starting to stress out over my job situation. Every time I look at him when he is awake he is calculation something on the Microsoft Money program we have and he hasn't ever really checked it before unless it was while he was actually paying the bills. We really payed off a lot of stuff before this set back. It helps though that Ty's preschool is done and that will save us $290 a month, that's like a car payment, you know? And we just payed off another credit card and with the tax rebate coming we are paying off another. We have a few things around a grand each and then we get into the big bucks...we have a few in the 5G range and then the monster coming in at 16G's..if we can get everything paid off but the 16 grand, we can get that one paid down in no time if we can just transfer all the money that we are used to paying on everything else. Even with what we have paid off we are still paying out the same each month because we use the money that the one that's paid to go towards the next one, and so on...that way as time goes by we can pay off things faster. But my job situation might put that to a halt and we might just have to pay minimums for a while and I HATE that.

Oh well...things happen for a reason right?

Still no answer

So, I still have yet to hear anything from the boss, and since I have sent him the e mails he has replied to another coworkers mass e mail to all of us at the station over her being tired of all the crap at the station. So, i know he has been in his e mail account. I just don't know what to expect.

I am pretty sure though that my last day with the company will be the day that the rotation schedule starts.

Tomorrow I have my 6 week post op apmt with my GYN. So Ty and I are going to head to westminster after preschool. After this week of school Ty has only one week left. :(

I am swim mom on tuesday, my last time as swim mom. It's kinda fun. So I will take my camera with me so I can get pics of Ty in the pool. At least I hope so. His doc said no swimming for 2 weeks, and tuesday will be 2 weeks exactly, so we'll play it by ear.

Randy couldn't get off work monday so since I worked a 48 hour shift and I was off today I got Ty tonight. :) He didn't actually didn't fall asleep until almost 10, but this still works out better because I can make sure he sleeps until 8am and then he won't be exhausted and out of control tomorrow.

The Waiting Game...

So I sent my boss 2 e mails yesterday and still have yet to hear from him.

This is slightly irritating...you send me an e mail that you know is going to alter my entire life and you don't check or respond to any e mails?

I haven't decided yet if I will be staying per diem. I think I will, if after asking for an explanation, since "we always look out for our own here..." he's slightly apologetic...but they can't hold the company back from progressing because of one employee. I mean, I am not expecting a " Oh Stacey, I am SO sorry, I know this affects you, but man am I sorry..."

But if I get a straight laced, "refer to the Employee Manuel that states that I have the authority to change the schedule as I see fit and there is no guarantee...." I just don't think I could manage to do good for a company that treats it's employees that way, you know?

So, we'll see. This delay in response is not a good sign to me.

I am on the back end of a 48 hour shift. In hind site I shouldn't have done this. The last time I worked a 48 hour shift in a row I swore I would never do it again.

Whatever.

In other news I am still awaiting a response from my atty in reference to a response from Randy's atty. They are technically in default. It's been over 30 days since he was served. He seemed really ticked off last night when I called him..I guess he didn't like the settlement proposal my atty sent to his. But it's funny because my atty told me that my offer wasn't unrealistic, and his atty felt the same way, I suspect Randy feels trapped and knows he is screwed. Sorry Dude, but I feel like I am due. I don't know why he's so upset anyway, more then half the time he has Ty he isn't home with him anyway.

I guess it's a good thing I hate my job...

Because effective June 2 (30 days from now) I can't continue. I can't work a rotating schedule and we have set days here. Well, everyone here at the station got an e mail this morning that effective June 2 we will be rotating. Great. Just freakin' great. Now what?

I know I couldn't keep this job past August, but I needed to work this job the entire summer to support our budget. This is a nightmare.

Okay, I get it...

I get it I get it I get it. I am obviously not supposed to be around people that have a glimmer of hope of being healthy.
Nate was discharged and he is doing well. But I got Ty back this week and his freakin penis is infected. Yeah, infected. Imagine what THAT must look like., and it's about 5 times worse then that.

Excuse #1 "But I called the doctor", says Randy. Do you even know the doctors NAME?
Excuse #2 "But Myra, (the philippino, girlfriend/fiancee/mail order brind that's apparently a NURSE) said it looked fine," says Randy. Um, okay.
Excuse #3 "You just love drama in your life Stacey..." So the pediatrician is making up the infection and put Ty on an antibiotic because I asked her too, yyyeah.
Excuse#4, this is the excuse that Randy's BROTHER called me with and left a voicemail stating that they had taken care of Ty, so whatever happened since I got him back was unfortunate, and he hopes that Ty feel better, but it wasn't anything THEY did. So apparently a pussing, swollen penis manifests itself during a car ride on interstate 83 from MD to PA.

Whatever. Dammit.

still here

We are still here. Nate is feeling a bit better, but he had a colonoscopy this morning and we are waiting on the results on a small bowel study they did a bit ago in fluoroscopy. My husband: the over achiever. They told us after he swallowed the barium for the study it would take hours for the study to be completed. He drank the barium and then in 15 min they took an initial film to see how much it had progressed...they came back in after that film and said that the barium was already in his colon, so they did all the films right then and there. In and out in 20 min, it should have taken at least a few hours.

So here we are...waiting waiting waiting.

Room 6037

Yep...room 6037. That's where I am sitting, eating an egg mcmuffin, sippin' on a coke at 9am on a rainy sunday morning. Are we celebrating our anniversary yet again? Nope. I was supposed to work today. I would love to say that I decided to call out and spend the day with my husband...oh wait, I did that. Except instead of enjoying the day in a jacuzzi tub and watching movies, I am sitting here watching my husband trying to rest with his pressure support bands on his ankles, and his i.v pumping him with antiemetic drugs. Yes folks, my husband is admitted to York Hospital.

Yesterday started like any other saturday. We were planning of driving to VA after we both got some rest when we got off at 7am. I slept until about 11am and Nate was already up. That was weird for him but I didn't think much of it. Then he began having extreme abdominal pain and vomiting. He spiked a fever and asked to go to the ER. Ne NEVER asks to go to the ER.

Off we go to York Hospital, they drew labs before he was even taken back to the treatment area. By the time he went back the results already came in. His white count was elevated, as well as his RBC's. Not good.

THe ER attending had surgery consult him who admitted him for his persistent nausea, pain, vomiting, and labs. Luckily at that point there was no reason to rush him into surgery...and there still hasn't been a need...yet.

The surgeon just made his rounds in here and is thinking Nate needs to be scoped. Colonoscopy. Man are we a healthy or what?

He looks horrible, all splotchy and pale. Luckily I don't get Ty until 11:30 tomorrow. I hope we know what's going on by then :(

All Done!

FInally, after a 3 months of anticipation...Ty's surgery is done.

Nate and I left with Ty to be at Hershey at 11:30. We get there a bit early, and the surgery center is ahead of schedule. We checked in, verified information, waited about 5 minutes and then Ty was taken back to the pre op area. Ty was GREAT. He got out of his clothes and into the gown, put their snazzy red surgical non slippy socks on. Nate and I met the surgeon and the anestesioligst... and off they wheeled him into the O.R. All of this happened about 15 minutes before his scheduled surgery time. The entire time Randy did not show his face. Nate and I were escorted back out of the pre op area into the waiting room. 10 minutes go by and Randy shows up. At first he was confused, when he asked where Ty was I answered that they already took him back. Randy thought that maybe he could still go back and see Ty, but I clarified for him that he was already in the O.R. He was ticked, but I didn't feel sorry for him. He KNEW what time Ty's surgery was. Then he blamed 83 for the delay (Man alive! Nothing is EVER his fault)

So we wait a bit over an hour and I guess Randy got too restless and got on his cell phone and walked out of the waiting room. As if the doctor knew, as soon and the door closed from Randy walking outside, the surgeon walked into the waiting room to talk to us. He answered all of our questions and let us know that everything went fairly well. The doctor walked out, in walked Randy.

So Randy managed to miss meeting Ty's surgeon from the VERY beginning of this process.

Okay, now I am mad...I just wrote out this HHHUUUGGGEEE post about the rest, but when I went to publish it...blogger was unavailable. I am NOT retyping it all again. So, bottom line is, Ty is okay.

Pathetic

This is simply pathetic. I was just browsing through the help wanted section of our newspaper and I found this job posted...

Full Time EMT (That's what I do now...)
"XYZ" Fire and Ambulance Company is currently accepting applications for full time work in the field.

Applicants MUST have each of the following for consideration:
PA EMT Certification (I have that)
Valid Motor Vehicle License (I have that)
CPR/ADE (ARC/AHA) Certification (I have that)
Hazmat Operations (I Have that)
Emergency Vehicle Opperations Course Completed (Got it)
Annual Bloodborne Pathogen Certification (Got it)
HIPPA Compliance Training (Took it, Passed it)
NIMS 100/700 (I completed that too...)

The EMT will provide emergency medical support by responding to emergencies, stabilizing, and transporting patients, and maintaining equipment and supplies.


The successful applicant will earn $11.50 per hour and paid leave available after one year.


Okay, I'm sorry. But that's pathetic. Why in the hell did I ever decide to persue this as a career? $11.50 an hour for all those requirements. Pathetic.

Sunday Sunday

I have a love/hate relationship with sundays. It's the last day of the week I work. But it depends on the work load that I have that sets the stage for the rest of the week for me. If I am very busy and up all night I don't usually recover until tuesday or so because of having to be up with Ty from Monday on. But whatever.

It seems every shift I get increasingly more frustrated with a lot of different things. I can't really get into them, but I am getting pretty tired of all the crap.

I got an order from my last photo shoot....I will make a little over a hundred dollars, so that makes me happy!

Nate went out and purchased a speedlight for my camera for the wedding that I have coming up in May. That gives me time to actually learn how to use it. That thing is more complicated then my camera. It's a $600 light that attached to the shoe mount on the top of my camera. But Nate bought it because with his one credit card we got a big discount and 3 months no interest, so I will take some of the money I am making from the wedding to pay it off completely by the end of next month.

I figured with what I have booked now...I got the speedlight with some of the profit from the first one. The next one I will be able to get a new camera (Mine is getting up there in shutter releases and needs to be replaced very soon) and then the other 2 I have this year (so far) I will tuck the money away for vacations. I figured I will have enough to book Nate and I on a nice little scuba diving trip for a few days in the Bahamas or some place relatively "local." I would LOVE to go on the Honduras trip that we had planned before Nate had to have surgery, but there is only a one week window that he wants to go in, and I don't want to book that trip by myself. I would also love to go to Bonaire, but the flights right now out there are outrageous!

I get to meed Randy's girlfriend/fiance/whatever you want to call her tomorrow. I am SO excited (sarcasm noted, right?) I am meeting them at the inner harbor and I am taking Ty to the Aquarium for the day so he can at least do ONE fun thing during his spring break since his surgery is Tuesday. So, Randy suggested that we just meet down there since his GF hasn't seen the harbor yet.

I found out some very interesting things about this girl. My first fun fact is that she isn't even a citizen. (can I smell a work visa about to expire and that's why a wedding is being planned? Hmmmm?) Her entire family, including siblings are still in the Philippines. Apparently, now Randy wants to retire in "somewhere in the south pacific. It's good to know that he is broadening his white trash roots and has decided to dream of retiring somewhere other then Middle River in a shack on the murky Chesapeake. But still. I told him that would be great! Why doesn't he just leave now! Dare to dream, I suppose.

Anyway, I am regressing....tomorrow should be fun. Nate would come with us, but he has to work from 7p to 11p tomorrow night, after working from 7p to 7a tonight into tomorrow. He has to work that 4 hour shift tomorrow, it was the only way he could get off in time to go with me to Hershey Tuesday morning with Ty and then have Tuesday night off as well.

But first I have to make it through today. Hopefully it will be a better shift then friday. Ick.

I don't like my job...

I am not stupid. I know that people talk about me when I am not working because somehow every time we coworkers gather in the ambulance bay we somehow migrate to a conversation about someone that we work with that isn't present during the conversation. But boy were my feelings hurt last night.

I worked with a guy that I love to work with last night. Clinically he brings out the best in me. I feel very confident around him because I know he isn't judging my techniques and what not. And I trust him. We talk on a personal level and I don't do that with a whole lot of people. And he has told me in the past that he has confided in me like no one else. Writing this makes it kind of sound like I might have something for this guy...but trust me when I say, even if I wasn't married to Nate I couldn't date him. He is a good friend and that's it.

Anyway, so we were sitting in the lounge last night and he says to me "You know Stacey, I have got to congratulate you on making it to your one year anniversary." And I just looked at him with this confused look on my face and I was like " what do you mean "making it?" to my first year. Were there doubts?" And he hesitated and started the next part of our conversation with "I swear you can't tell anybody I said this...but, there was a bet going on." My eyebrows raise..."Oh really?" I say. Then I continue, "I don't recall it being any one's business how long my relationships last?" Then he insists that it was no big deal. No big deal? So I ask, since this isn't a big deal, how many of my coworkers were involved in this little bet. "everyone." I was told. And not everyone as in, everyone from my station...it was EVERYONE as in everyone from BOTH stations. Okay, now my feelings are hurt. But whatever. Then I made the mistake of asking what the guesses were. I think he thought he was making me feel better when he explained that it ended a while ago because the longest guess was 3 months. But apparently I threw them through a loop when I got engaged. They were initially guessing how long we would be dating. I suppose they had to restructure their ways when I was getting married.

I don't know why this bothers me so much...but it does. Whatever.

In other news... our anniversary night was a lot of fun. We ordered in...and my eyes were WAY bigger then my stomach because I had enough food to eat dinner, have a bit of a snack later and then I didn't need to buy any food while I was working yesterday..so I had enough for lunch AND dinner too! Yeah, it was that bad!

Nate and I keep talking a lot about moving again. We seem to go in spurts. It looks like maybe we will be moving in about a year...and then it will be to like Florida or some place close to the water. That way we can get the custody schedule figured out before we move internationally and it won't be such a big deal. I can't wait to get out of here. I swear if Nate didn't like his job so much we would be packing right now. He got his schedule for May and he works almost every day. They are already asking him to pick up the 2 last days he has off in April...but it's the night before and the night of Ty's surgery. He was initially scheduled for those days, but then switched them (THANK GOD!) so he could be with us. I really didn't want to do that alone for that.

I am curious if Randy comes. He said he would come to the pre op appointment, but he didn't bother to do that. He and I had a bad week. It's been pretty bad with him since he has been served. I kind of expected that though. This woman he is supposed to be marrying seems weird. He told me that she is 32 and she really wants kids. I asked him when he told me that if they were going to have any and he said "yes." But he had recently told me that he wasn't having any more children. SO when I questioned him on that he just replied that she wants them, so whatever. Oh that's a great basis for having a child with someone. Does she completely disregard what he wants? Is she really that selfish? Can't she SEE the outcome of the last one he didn't want? Hello?

So I figure one of two things will happen. One...hey have a baby and he reverts back his old habits and she gets fed up with it (like I did) and she is educated and self sufficient, so I don't see her feeling trapped like she can't leave if she was that unhappy. Or two...Randy gets flooded with guilt that he wasn't there for his first sons first years so he tries to make up for it with this one and then Ty gets hurt since Daddy isn't paying much attention to him. I figure either outcome is good for me and Ty. He has a solid base here and we aren't going anywhere (emotionally) Plus my atty said that 9 times out of 10...no matter how involved a man is with his kids before he gets remarries...once he gets remarried and starts his own family with his new wife, the children of his first relationship are forgotten about. I can only hope.

Registration

After today it's official...Ty is registered for Kindergarten! Where did the time go?

He did really well on their readiness test...apparently he knew things that I didn't even know he knew! They sent everyone home with a book bag with reading assignments and skills practice to work through during the summer and it even had a book included...it's called Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. It's kind of cool!

When we were pulling in to the parking lot of the school I was kind of sad and nervous...so I asked Ty..."are you ready? are you nervous? With a huff he sighs and says "gimme a break Mom." Okey Dokey. That gave me an ounce of perspective.

In other news I applied for a job last night. It's working for Penn State (York) as the staff assistant to the professors in the Astronomy and Astrophysics Department. I don't know if I'll even get considered. According to their requirements for the job I meet them...so we'll see. If I do then I will start taking classes (Mucho discount on the tuition)


Tomorrow is my anniversary. My first anniversary and I will actually BE with my husband. ( For those of you that know me...my first anniversary I was home alone while my husband drove 4 hours away to spend the night with his father to fight a DUI his father had gotten several weeks earlier )

We are just having a low key night. But I rented a local hotel room with a jacuzzi tub. I am very excited about that! But I am back to work at 7am on Friday morning. (bummer)

Weekend in Review...Happy Monday

We had a pretty good weekend. It was really nice to have some time with Nate when he's awake during the day. I feel like we reconnected a lot.

The day at the harbor was nice. My only peeve is that Nate paid for everything. His sister paid for nothing...which also means that he paid for her. We even went to dinner where she wanted to go. Hard Rock Cafe. It was for his Mother's birthday and we went where she wanted to go.

I don't know if it was the way I was raised or what. Spending money while we are trying so hard to pay off debt is hard for me. The dinner was $150. I would spend that in a heart beat for his mom..so I don't know why that bothers me that it included his sister. Something about the $12 alcoholic drink bothered me too. I don't know...I need to get over it. Okay, I'm over it.

The Body Worlds 2 exhibit was very interesting. Some of the bodies were slightly disturbing. I just can't believe what they did to some of them. There was one guy who was cut sagitally (Like sliced from head to toe in 2 inch segments. The skin was still on his face and all.

I would have to say that I was getting really ticked at the high school students from the locally underprivileged areas visiting the exhibit. They were so disrespectful. Example...there was a man posed hanging from gymnast rings. His body was displayed to show all the major muscle groups. He, as everyone else on display...was naked and these kids were gawking and literally hollering "oh shit, is that his thing!" (pointing to his penis) Mmmmkay. Show some respect.

Fast forward to saturday, we went up to Hershey to Chocolate World and the Zoo up there. There was a reason that I never went to the Zoo America up there, but I didn't know it until we went here. It was awful. But it was a nice day.

Picking Ty up yesterday was a fiasco for a while. I am so sick and tired of Randy thinking he is doing me all sorts of favors. You see, his parents are REFUSING to meet me since he was served. I guess they hate me now. Anyway, I was to meet him sunday at 5pm since he would be unable to take Ty to school on monday and his parents won't meet me monday morning. Well, Randy had Ty so excited ALL week last week for an Oriole game sunday and we were meet after that. But excuse after excuse he didn't take Ty, then he felt bad about it and demanded that I meet him later then 5pm and I refused. No, sorry. I planned my day around picking him up at 5pm...not later. ( I really didn't have anything planned, but he didn't need to know that...I am sick of bending over backwards for him. ) So we ended up meeting at 5pm anyway but not after arguing about it for several hours. Hmmm couldn't that have been time well spent with Ty?

Today was busy...I took Ty to preschool...had a fantastic morning with my husband, picked Ty up and then we went out t Rad Lobster (Ty and I can eat at Red Lobster for $3 more then McD's, I can't help it and Ty LOVES it.) Then we ran a ton or errands. He actually asked to get a haircut. Coming from a child that screams like he is being stabbed repeatedly when he is having it cut I took the opportunity and ran with it. He told the lady he wanted it spiked. He was so cute. She didn't cut it short enough to spike it exactly like he wanted, but I didn't want it totally short either. So we are both happy. Then we came home and watched 101 Dalmations and made a great dinner then Nate went to work and Ty and I snuggled in bed and watched part of National Treasures and then he went to bed. Great Day.

Okay, that's enough for now. I am actually quite tired. Good night.

Fun weekend ahead!

If it isn't just good enough this is my long week with Ty (I have him into fridays every 3 weeks) I am also getting him on Sunday since I don't work! Yeah!

Also, tonight is Nate's last night in after his long stretch of working 6 nights in a row. I am so looking forward to having him home. We had a long discussion and everything is great between us again. I guess I was overly grumpy and he was overly tired and that = fussiness.

Tomorrow my MIL and Sister in Law are coming up to spend a night or two with us. The 5th is my MIL's 50th birthday and initially we were planning a big trip but between Nate's surgery and mine that all kind of fell thru. Friday we are going to the science center and harbor to see the Body World 2 exhibit. I am very excited to see that.

I haven't taken a prescription pain pill in 2 days. But I totally over did it today. I took out the trash and did 5 loads of laundry and vacumed and tidied the house. So I am paying for that now.

Also tomorrow is my parent teacher conference with Ty's teachers. I couldn't do it on the actual day set aside for the conferences because it was the day after my surgery.

That's it...nothing too exciting eh?

Rent

oh, and the rent is going up effective May1.

Pain Meds and Problems

I have a love/hate relationship with my percocet. Last night after my MIL left and Nate went to work I figured if I took 2 and layed down I would fall asleep peacefully without pain. Apparently my body has started to react differently to the meds since I have been trying to stop taking as much of it. I was WIDE awake until 3am. I was rip roarin' and ready to go. Plus I needed to be ready to leave my 7:30 (ish) to go to Dr. B's.

Fast forward to that...my sutures were removed. I feel better with them gone, they were getting too tight. But Dr. B made me feel like such a wimp. I told him that I was still very uncomfortable and have had a totally different experience with this whole surgery then I have in the past. I just feel like crap. Bloated, itchy, crampy, crap. He was not sympathetic. I guess he hears it all day long..so why am I different?

Nate and I seem to be going through a weird phase in our relationship. I don't know. He's working constantly. I don't seem to be doing anything right (long story) and when he asks how I feel (pain and post surgery wise) and I tell him the truth and then I don't go rushing to the ER because I am in pain he gets frustrated with me because he feels like I am being difficult. I just had surgery, I don't need to go to the ER and tell them I am in pain, I should be in pain. It wasn't virtual surgery, you know?

Then to make matters worse my engagement ring requires a check up every 6 months. Nate bought my ring on the 17th of March last year. I had it checked in September like I was supposed to. And he bought it at Jared's so there is only one within driving range, but it is still an hour away. (There is a Jared in VA too) But earlier this month he reminded me that my ring check was coming up soon...and I knew that,,,but honestly it slipped my mind. I mean, Nate's surgery was 2/12 and I feel like I have been going non stop with one thing or another since then. Well, last night I remembered and I looked up the terms of the contract, hoping that there would be like a one to 2 week grace period or something. Well that wasn't the case. The inspection has to be done in the calender MONTH...so if he bought it on the first day of the month or the last...it can only be checked in that month which means TODAY is the last day or the extended warranty (which he paid dearly for) is void. When I brought it up yesterday with Nate he had a very" I told you so" approach to the conversation. In my defense it's not like I have had nothing going on and it honestly slipped my mind. Knowing Nate, since he was taking me to the doctor in the morning which prevented him from sleeping since he works tonight as well...I knew he would be mad if I made him drive me to the docs but I could drive myself down to Towson later in the day. I really didn't want to drive that far by myself since I still do feel like crap, but I don't want to void 9 years of a warranty on a very expensive piece of jewelry.

So Nate insisted that we would go down to Towson after we picked Ty up from PreSchool. That puts me in a TOTAL lose-lose situation. If we don't do the inspection he will be upset, especially down the road if something happens to the ring, and if we do go then Nate only gets like 4 hours of sleep after being up all night last night and needing to be up all night tonight as well.

Well as it turns out we were pretty much in and out of Dr. B's so we went right from Westminster to Towson, dropped my ring off (now I won't get it back until friday because we couldn't wait for it and I don't think I will be ready to drive that distance before then alone) and then made it back to York in time to pick Ty up. Nate was in bed by noon, and slept until 5:30. I made dinner, which he didn't eat. And of course I have been waiting all day to have a bowel movement (I know, I know WAY too much information) but Ty was in one bathroom and Nate was in the other when I had that sudden urge so I asked Nate if I could come in if he was finished and all he said was "don't we have 2 bathrooms?" I almost started crying right there because he caught me SO off guard with that. I explained that Ty was in the other one so he walked out.

Nate has had the opportunity to pick up a lot of extra shifts in April too. Between his regular shifts and what he has picked up he only has like 5 nights off in the whole month. One of those nights is the 10th...our first anniversary. He told me today that he had the opportunity to pick up the 10th and some other night too. I don't know if he was expecting me to get upset of what, but all I asked was if it was his goal to just work every night in the month of April? All he said was that it is his goal to pay off debt. Okay. So like I said...I am not too sure what is going on here but I don't like the way it feels.

I know we will be fine, but this just kind of hurts right now.

I didn't hear anything from my atty today, so I am anxiously awaiting some news or paperwork from Randy's lawyer here soon. I'll be sure to inform.

Now Serving...

Randy!

Oh boy oh boy...what an entertaining conversation I just had.

Randy just got served. He called me, and calmly explained that he just had a visitor and I must know who it was.

Then sternly he said that I have left him no choice then to follow our custody papers to the line right now, so I would be responsible for getting Ty to school on time tomorrow. SO I kindly explained to him that those papers also state that I am to pick Ty up from his OLD address...so I will meet him there instead of his new house. Then he thought he had me since I am on pain meds from my surgery, he was all snide and declared that he would be sure to document that I am on pain killers.

Ummm, okay. Document away asshole because I just had 2 documented surgical procedures in the past 6 days. Retard.

He was trying to use scare tactics because he knows he has nothing on me.

So after hanging up on me and calling me back he decided that maybe we can come to some sort of compromise. So he insisted that if HE gives an inch then I am to give an inch too. I just laughed. I have to tell you, being on percocet made it a WHOLE lot easier to deal with him.

Anyway...so he agrees that it isn't fair to Ty that Randy needs to take him to school 2 days a week (uh, duh?) and blah blah blah.

I didn't really listen to him too much because to me, nothing he says matters right now unless it comes from his attorney.

Oh, and the BEST news of all!!!!!!!!!!!!! Randy is engaged! He corrected himself when he said this girl was his girlfriend, I mean Fiancee now. I was so excited that I couldn't help myself, all I said was..."Wow, so did she have to buy her own engagement ring too?"

But now the REAL fun begins...wish me luck.


In other news I am not really feeling a whole lot better today...in fact I called the on call doc to see what I needed to do since the bigger of my 2 incisions is really hurting...a lot. She explained that there is probably fluid collecting around it and that's what is causing the pain so I am to report to the office first thing tomorrow at 8:30 to have them removed. Nate will get off at 7am to come home around 7:30 and take me immediately to Carroll County, and he has to work tomorrow night too. I am so lucky to have such a dedicated guy that loves me.

That's about all the fun and exciting news I can handle tonight.

Day 2

I do not feel much better then I did the day of surgery. I can still feel this gas inside of me that moves and gurgles when I move. It's a horrible feeling. I still can't sit up easily by myself. I am so glad that my MIL is here to be with me. Nate comes home from work exhausted, so to ask him to help me beyond the first half hour that he is home would make me feel guilty.

I feel like I over did it yesterday, I went from upstairs to downstair to eat dinner, and then Nate needed his dressing changed (Yes, I am still doing that) so I needed to at least show his mom how to do it now, so I went back upstairs only to go back downstairs to watch a movie for a while before going upstiars to bed. But all of that was done over a few hours, it wasn't like I was running back and forth. Plus, I waited WAY too long between my pain meds. I was able to wait 7 1/2 hours, and I am allowed to take 2 pills every 4-6. Trust me, I won't make that mistake again.

Nate was pretty insistent that I call the doctor today because I shouldn't be in this much pain. But all I can think of them saying is..."It's the gas." Am I vomiting? No. Am I bleeding? No. What are they going to do? I feel like one moment Nate makes me feel like I am not being pro active enough with this pain, and then the next i am making too big of a deal about it. Oh Well. he's tired, and I am sure he doesn't like seeing me feel this bad.

That's the update for today. I am going to lay down now.

Done

I am done in so many ways right now.

Nate and I showed up right on time yesterday morning. I was taken back to the pre op area in ample time. The anestesia doc came back and verified everything with me. They even gave me decadron and something else before the surgery so I won't wake up nauseous. (Not that nausea or vomiting ever been a problem with me in the past, they do it standard for everyone) Dr. B came in and spoke to me. He seemed to be in a particularly good mood. And I was taken back for surgery. It was flawless. It seemed like the whole place revolved specifically around me.

In the past, the 5 or so times that I have woken up from anestesia it always felt like I was coming out of a dream. Easy and most importantly pain free. No problems. Not this time. My eyes opened to the feeling of someone standing overtop of me stabbing me in the gut, Tears were coming out of my eyes and I was flailing me head, but I couldn't speak because me mouth was so dry and my throat hurt from being intubated. I like to think that I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, where did that go? The nurse came right over and asked me if I was in pain. All I could do was shake my head "yes." She explained that she had already given me toridol thru my i.v. (that's like and i.v. version of motrin) I didn't even feel it. So she stated with 50mg of phentenil. That just took the slightest edge off. So a few minutes layer she gave me another 50. That's a lot of pain medicine. That only worked fr about 20 minutes or so, so she got Dr. B's okay to give me a percocet. After about an hour in the first stage of recovery they moved me to the second where Nate could see me. I felt like such a wimp. I was crying and complaining about how much it hurt.

Dr. B came in while I was still in the first stage of the PACU and all I really remember him saying, besides that I did have endometrial tissues that he had to remove on my left side, is that this was it. I won't/can't have this done again. He more specifically said that I would lose my uterus.

In the second stage of recovery I still felt pretty miserable. The nurse came back in and asked me how my pain was because I could start thinking about going home. I was terrified to think of the hour long car ride so she gave me another percocet.

The drive home was long, and I had a hard time getting up the steps, but I have been up here ever since.

Nate insisted in the hospital and on the ride home that he REALLY didn't think it was a good idea for Ty to see me and I should just have my Mom to meet Randy before we got home. But I couldn't stand the thought. I really don't think he understands how good Ty's hugs feel to me. Also, Nate has still not seen the true Ty. There is always a little competition for affection when I am around both of them and Ty's way of fighting is by clinging onto me, so Nate was worried that Ty would unintentionally hurt me. But I told me Mom to explain to Ty that he could only touch my face and hands and I thought that would be fine.

As it turns out, it was. And Ty was wonderful. He came up onto the side of the bed that I wasn't laying on and he put his little hand on my cheek and he asked me if I was okay. And I told him that I was a little uncomfortable (Huge Understatement) but he didn't need to hear my burdens. Then he asked me if it was okay if he game me a hug, and he did. He asked me a lot of questions and I showed him my "band aids." He was so concerned and before my Mom took him he started crying a little and whining that he wanted to stay with me so he could help me. I reassured his that while I would love his help he could go have a ton of fun with his Daddy instead of laying in bed with me. So, they left.

I have to say that by the end of the day yesterday on top of all the i.v. drugs I took 7 percocet, That is so not like me. And I was still in pain. When I had a 9lb 3oz child vaginally....I took tylenol...and I had an episiotomy.

So now Nate works the next 6 days in a row for 12 hours each day...so he needs to sleep during the day and he will be gone all night. He called his Mom and asked he to come up and spend the weekend with me. Normally I wouldn't need this, in fact...before the surgery I was looking forward to having the weekend by myself because I knew I could just relax and only feel a little crummy. But now I am thinking I don't know what I would do without her. I am so happy she is available to come up.

Just to give you an idea here...I am sitting up right now typing, only moving my fingers. I have 2 pillows under my knees and two behind my head, and a heating pad on my abdomen. If I lay down it hurts, like not hurts a little, but hurts that just can't do it. When I need to get up I can't lift my own legs because it's too painful using my abdominal muscles. So someone needs to remove the pillows for me and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I also need help scooting to the edge of the bed, but when I sit up all the way I need to keep leaning forward because I can't sit straight up. So I can't be bugging Nate to wake up and help me everytime I need to go to the bathroom, or need something to drink or eat. I can't take the percs on an empty stomach.

Dr. B used a different technique this time then he did in the past and I am convinced that the way he did it this time really limited the amount of CO2 gas that he used in my abdominal cavity to escape and that's what is causing all this pain. I mean, I can feel where my stitches hurt and all, but it's the gas that is making this so difficult.

For the record too, if you are wondering my my Mother In Law is coming instead of my own Mother staying...well, my Mom offered to stay another day, but she already put off leaving for a trip in her RV with my Step Dad to help me with Ty and I didn't want to delay her any more. I think she would have stayed as long as I asked her too...but I am sure she would be miserable, and my MIL doesn't have any plans besides studying, which she could do up here just as easily in VA. Plus I know she would love to see Nate.

Okay, so I woke up about 50 min ago, went to the bathroom and took 2 percs and had a pop tart and I am really starting to feel the effects of them, so I am going to stop typing now because this is really becoming an effort.

One Down, One to Go

SO people really did mean it when they said that the prep was the worst part of a colonoscopy. It really wasn't bad, and the only discomfort that I am in is some abdominal cramping and that I keep passing gas, but it feels good to pass it and then my abdomen doesn't hurt.

Nate came home from work and tried to sleep in bed with me, but Randy called me (Ty wanted to tell me that he loves me) and then my Mom called, and then my sister called, and then the surgical center for thursdays delight called to verify my info and such. So needless to say, there wasn't much sleeping.

Nate came home and crashed into bed once he realized that I will be okay alone right now.

Apparently there was nothing significant that we need to act on now with my back door bleeding. So, that's a plus. I wasn't wishing they would find something, so I am glad that I did this so I know I don't have some sort of cancerous growth or something. You know?

I am actually SO looking forward to thursday, I am SO ready to have all this other crap scraped and caulderized out of me. I am just hoping that Dr. B doesn't find that my left side is completley obliterated and needs to remove any of my pertinent insides.

Guess we will have to just wait and see.

Big BIG BIG thanks to my sister and Mommom for picking Ty up from preschool today and entertaining him all day. It's so nice to come home and eat and relax. And also for the food, and ICE CREAM from Hoffmans! Yummy :)

Did I mention that I had NOTHING to eat from 8pm Saturday night until about 20 min ago?

Happy Easter

Please think of me when you are eating your Easter Dinner...I will be sucking on a straw drinking my dinner. I am not looking forward to this bowel prep.

I want to think happy thoughts.

We were discussing this past week about moving again. I just hope beyond hopes that our plans all work out.

I don't really have anything exciting to talk about. My nerves are all worked up for Monday. Wish me luck.

Medical Woes...

I haven't been able to update for a while for several reasons.

First, I nearly passed out in the ER at work last Friday night. I guess I picked the right place to do it. But I insisted that I was fine and continued on working. Thankfully we were not busy, because looking back, I don't know how I would have made it if we were.

The next morning I began bleeding profusely so Nate thought it would be a good idea since I had the near fainting the night before to just go get check in the ER.

Now in my community we have 2 hospitals. One that has a horrid reputation and I wouldn't let my ex husband go to, let alone me. And the other has been on a steady decline over the past few months. Luckily (or so I thought) we have a world renowned Medical Center just 40 min north in the chocolate land, Hershey. I won't go back there again.

We drive up there, I was "gushing" (sorry to be so graphic) the whole way to sign in at triage. Here I am, a female of child bearing age with a chief complaint of vaginal bleeding, passing clots last period of oh, say 8 weeks ago. And abdominal pain. Hmmmm. Now I am not saying that I was having a miscarriage, but please people, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that something might be really wrong here. So they mosey me on back, stick me in a hallway bed and Nate reassures me that when they do my pelvic exam they would move me into a room. Okay.

So, after 45 minutes and me going up to the nursing station TWICE to get a new pad because I flooded mine, a nurse came to my bed to ask me what's going on. So I explained the situation. My urine came back that I had a UTI. Interesting since I wasn't complaining of UTI symptoms, so I figured that would be a bonus. But to my dismay, the tunnel vision glasses went on everyone and after explaining to the resident physician exactly what was going on all she said was..."well, you do have a UTI." Thanks. I was already told. Nothing was ordered. Nothing was done. About an hour later a nurse comes around with a pill antibiotic for my UTI.

Then about an hour after that the attending physician came over to me, asked me what was going on. I explained now like a 5th time my situation. She hardly even touched me when she "pressed" on my abdomen asking "does this hurt?" I felt like asking her when was she going to palpate me to find out. Then she explains to me that unless my urine comes back positive for a pregnancy there is nothing to be done. I explain that I have a substantial hx of endometriosis, I had a ruptured cyst about 2 months ago...something could be going on here. She didn't even want to run blood work let alone a pelvic exam or an ultrasound! Nate was saying all day how pale I looked, she said I looked great! What about the near fainting and dizziness I was experiencing? You are just going to diagnose me off of a URINE sample? "but you DO have a UTI..." she says. (rolling my eyes) Seriously, Nate was ready to drive me down to Fairfax at the hospital ER he used to work in. He was so upset about how they treated me. I did, after some insistence get some labs completed and they gave me some fluid...but I will never go into that ER again.

And another reason I couldn't update is because we didn't have internet access most of the week. Our MAC ate our internet card and since it was still under warranty we had to mail away for a new one.

In other wonderful news my attorney got the paperwork from the court to have Randy served. I was hoping to have his served while I had Ty, but apparently they haven't caught up with him yet. I don't think he's dodging them since he doens't know this is coming. But, we will see.

I am very nervous and anxious about this whole situation. Part of me wonders if he even has any money to fight this battle.


Today is my last day of work until April 11th. Sunday I have my prep for my colonoscopy, so I can't work then and then monday is the procedure and then thursday I have my laproscopy with Dr. B. I am so ready to have both of these done. This intermittin bleeding from my rear is getting OLD quick and I have been so tired and bloated and tired, and did I say tired? I went to bed at 9am last night and this was after sleeping the whole night before and I took a nap while Ty was in preschool. That's the way its been for me the past several weeks. I do whatever I can just to get by, I feel like my house is a mess, Nate has been keeping up with the laundry (thank God) and I haven't been making anything decent for dinner either. My poor family.


But I am looking forward to the time off. It stinks that I won't be paid, but I guess I can't expect too much when I am not working, you know?

My MIL's birthday is the first weekend in April and we are going to get a hotel room in Baltimore by the Harbor on thursday and spend the day friday down there and then travel to VA until sunday night to celebrate her birthday. We were supposed to take a nice trip, but that fell thru with Nate's surgery. Healthy bunch we are.

So, now I just need to make it through the day and I'm all set, for tomorrow anyway.

Following Up On Some Issues...Nothing Too Exciting

I think I forgot to mention that my atty filed for full custody on January 24th. Did I tell you that? Well, the courts cashed her filing fee check on Feb 13th. And to this day she has not received ANY paperwork from them. She called me this past week and said that she called the court's clerk office and they told her that they are so backlogged that they haven't even started the second half of January's filings paperwork yet. Nice. So at this point it's going to be Like July before we even see anyone from the court.

Once she gets the paperwork (let's think optimistically and think that will be around the end of MAY) Once Randy is served, he has 30 days to even answer and retain representation...so now we are in June before he even responds to this on the record.

What a mess. I have no real reason to tell you this, other then the fact that I am ticked that it has taken this long so far and nothing has been done. For those of you that recall, Ty had an episode of explaining to me that he was choked by Randy in November, after going several days with a broken collar bone while in his custody, and then I found out some other really disturbing information about him that enabled me to take emergency custody of Ty around Christmas time.

I have had Ty in with a therapist about every 2 weeks since all of this has happened. He seems to be doing well, and he LOVES his therapist.

Anyway, moving on........

You know you are a major geek and are getting old when you go to the grocery store and fiber supplements are on sale. Seriously. I felt almost gitty then I found that. According to my surgeon, he told me that I needed to increase my intake of fiber. We'll see if that helps anything.

Daylights Savings Time:

I would like to thank my MIL who so graciously called us last night to remind Nate and myself that it was DST last night. Yeah, I was thrilled to know that I would have to report to work an hour earlier then I initially anticipated. Great.


Financial Update:

So, the recent surgery for Nate set us back a bit on paying some things off with our tax refund. And then I will be going at least a week and a half without pay at all in 2 weeks. So, we were discussing yesterday what exactly we would be doing for vacation this year. We were planning on going to Honduras before he needed to have surgery. Actually, with when we were planning to go, yesterday would have been our last day there. We were thinking of going in August or September, but we can't with Ty's Kindergarten. Bummer. I told Nate that I don't mind not taking a "major" vacation this tear if it meant us moving sooner.

Randy is taking Ty for his weeks vacation with Ty the week of the fourth of July...I thought maybe we could go somewhere just the 2 of us then, but we'll see I guess.

We were able to pay off one bill with our refund though. We were hoping and planning on using it for 3 bills, but one is better then none, right?

I don't know what I am going to do if I can't work a full time job when Ty goes to school next year. The before and after school program is ALREADY full for next year and Ty is on the waiting list. I certainly can't work if I don't have child care, and some places that I have called are like $130 to $175 a WEEK! I'm sorry, but I almost refuse to pay up to $700 a month for AFTER school care. That's more then our RENT. We will just have to wait and see how things unfold with all that mess.

So that's about all I have to day right now. I am working today and in the morning when I get off I have to race down to Baltimore to pick Ty up for preschool tomorrow. I HATE getting off at 7am, driving to baltimore to get Ty back up to preschool by 9am. Bummer.

It's a good day! We are getting a new stove!

Wow, everything seems to be going right today.

Nate took Ty to preschool and Randy actually remembered to pick him up on time!


I came to work on time and have only had 2 calls.

AAAANNNDDDD...we am getting a new stove today! I have been having issues with the old one. When my MIL was here for Nate's surgery I was so upset that the chicken roaster I was making wasn't cooking right. Then the next morning I make cinnamon buns that were burned about 10 minutes into baking. And that happened once to Nate too. Then the other night I tried to make a pork roast and it was only supposed to cook for 45 minutes...well it took a little over 2 hours.

So I called the landlord who came and said it was the heater coil thing...he removed that and brought it back like a half hour later and said it worked fine. So he put a service call in and whatever happened after that resulted in us getting a while new stove! Yipee! The one that we have now is over 10 years old and isn't very nice. I don't know what we are getting, but it can't be any worse then what we have!

Yeah!

And then after they deliver it Nate's coming to the station to relax with me and he's bringing our netflix movies that were delivered today. We bumped our amount of movies what we get at one time from 4 to 7, becasue of Nate's surgery, and we are just going to keep it that way for a while because of my surgeries coming up. It sure beats the heck out of cable t.v. You can't imagine the weird looks and disbeliefe that I get out of people when I tell them we don't have cable t.v.!

So I certainly can't complain about anything today!

Surgery, surgery, surgery

Okay, I have a lot to say, but I really don't feel like typing it all out.

Nate was cleared to return to work this morning with no restrictions from his surgeon. This really upset me. Poor Nate still can't sit comfortably or bend over and he can return to work 12 hour shifts with no restrictions?

Well, that was short lived. When he went from one appointment to another (his employee health return to work appointment) the PA at the hospital was shocked that he was released to come back, and she put a stop to it. After all, he is still requiring dressing changes and has a huge gap in his back side. She said that he could only work 8 hour shifts and no more then 3 shifts per week. She also said that he was restricted from lifting and bending. Thank God.

That's that.

Now me...on the other hand...since I fell down the steps I have been having problems with er....my "back door." And I had to see, by referral of my primary care physician, a colorectal surgeon today who so graciously gave me the news that I needed to have a colonoscopy performed prior to my laproscopy on the 27th. So I will be put under anesthesia twice in 3 days. Not to mention that Nate is scheduled to work the night before my colonoscopy, so will have to suffer though the bowel prep the day before alone. :(

The surgeon today really thinks that he will find something that will effect how my GYN will perform my scope. Lovely. Just stinkin' lovely.

Luckily, I have an awesome sister who will be coming up on the day of my colonoscopy to pick Ty up from preschool and entertain him that afternoon. And Randy will be getting Ty a day early since I have to be at Carroll County General at 6:15 am on thursday. I sure am going to miss Ty that week. :(

Living the dream: NOT looking forward to the bowel prep. At all.

34 Hour Shift...

I got a call last night from my boss asking me to come in early because a co worker was ill and needed to go home. So I came into work at 9pm last night. Nothing like a 34 hour shift. So between the meeting during the week, my weekly hours racked up to 60. Not too shabby for someone with only weekend availability, eh?

Nate ended up coming into the station for me to change his packing and dressing on his wound. I couldn't keep coming home during my shifts, so yesterday during the day Nate and I took a "test drive" to see if he could manage driving since it's still incredibly painful for him to sit, let alone manage a stick shift and drive okay. He did well, I mean, it's great that we live 3 miles from the station because if we didn't, I don't think he would be okay. So he will be coming back later this afternoon for me to do it again.

We have a follow up appointment with the surgeon on Wednsday. We'll see what he says. I seriously doubt that employee health at the hospital will let him return to work with gauze stuffed in his backside. And I don't think he's ready to return to work anyway. He can go several hours without taking pain meds, but he isn't up walking around and bending over and lifting for 12 hours straight either.

But anyway, I am glad that I came in early...we didn't have any calls over the night, so I basically got paid overtime to sleep which is awesome.

I can't wait to get Ty back tomorrow. He sounds better on the phone. I know this sounds mean, but at lease he didn't get sick with me and I can have him when he is well. Randy said that the first 2 days he had him he was throwing up and miserable and then Randy works today, so he won't be with him at all, Chip will be with him to enjoy this time, and then Ty comes back to me tomorrow.

You know, every time I called Randy he wasn't home with Ty. Ty was either with his parents or brother because he had something more pressing to do. Last night he was driving his girlfriend home. Nice. So he complains about gas money with driving TY to school, but he can drive his girlfriend back to DC and back when his son is sick. Whatever. I guess it's all in your priorities.

So anyway, I'm here. Working. Until 7am tomorrow.

Living the dream: Work work work all day long. It's not so bad, as long as no one calls 911.

Strep Throat

Man. Poor Ty has strep. Randy decided not to take him to preschool today and for once it was legit. Ty's rapid strep came back positive. Hmmm, 48 hour incubation period means tomorrow I should feel just fabulous!

Can someone cut my family a break, please?

So don't want to be here...

I am working now. I am so not in the mood to be here.

A few nights ago I fell down the steps (just the last 5) and ever since I have been having issues. I just don't feel great. I am bloated. I was due yesterday for my monthly friend and Nate seems to think that with the stressors of the last month that I won't be getting a period at all. I hope that would be the reason since I haven't been the best at remembering to take my pill with everything else going on.

I am working at one station for the first 12 hours of my shift today and then the second 12 hours I will be at our other station that is closer to my house. I need to go home and change Nate's packing at least once today. I am supposed to be doing this at least twice today, but that's not going to happen and I have NO idea what I am going to be doing on sunday.

I got a call back from the day care that I needed to put Ty into for before and after school care with him only going to be in half day kindergarten next year. I called the FIRST week in January and he's on the waiting list. The WAITING LIST. I called the first frickin week of the year for NEXT school year. Yeah, so I have NO idea what the hell I am going to do it he doesn't get in.

I am just in a bad mood today. Grrrrr.

not any better :(

I feel so bad for my husband. For a man that has never had any regrets in his life before this...I am sad. He told me last night that he wished he didn't have this done.

I reassured him that if he didn't get it done now, the longer he waited the bigger the procedure had to be.

I am worried about him becoming septic. His wound is getting infected. Even though most of the packing that was placed by that nurse on friday is still in place, what has come out has been clogged with wheepy puss. I didn't want to take the rest of the origional packing out because when I attempted to do so, it started bleeding...again. What a nightmare. I didn't sleep well at all last night. Nate is in constant pain. Well, he told me that is isn't in pain all the time, just when he moves. Okay...well, to me that's all the time.

My mother in law is leaving at 5pm to go back home so he will be alone tonight and that scares me.

I know that I am looking way too far ahead, but I don't know what we will do next week for friday and sunday when I work. Seriously...I don't want to leave him alone...I just won't.

Where to start...

I actually have written a few entries here since my last, and then something happened to it...I lose it somehow. Despite that...let me explain the chaos that has been my life for the last 2 weeks or so.

Nate was scheduled for a "simple" surgery that I was concerned about only because I didn't want to see him in pain. I never thought about any complications. Nate has a great way of having the persona of being invincible (without being cocky.)

His surgery was scheduled for 2/12.

On the 11th I had a GYN appointment. I have been having problems for a while and I really needed to do something about it. Ever since my ruptured ovarian cyst from 2 months ago I have had a lot of break through pain and some odd bleeding. I innocently went to him thinking that he would tell me that everything would be just fine and we'll just have another scope and be done with it.

So, he comes in, examines me...and looks at me and says..."do you want a hysterectomy?" I was dumbfounded. I literally said..."what?"

Then he continues, " I just don't think that there is any other option now...we have scoped you so many times before and your issues are only getting worse, a hysterectomy is the only cure."

Now, I know that. That is not a surprise to me. But I wasn't expecting this at 27. I want to have another child. I have been spending time daydreaming about how wonderful it would be to have a child with Nate.

But the appointment left me with the decision that he would do an exploratory scope and rid me of any/all scarring and only if it's really bad will he go further with it. So, basically I will now know until I come out of anesthesia my child bearing fate. Wonderful.

That delight is scheduled for next month, the 27th to be exact.

The next day Nate goes into surgery. (you can google "pilonidal cyst" if you are interested and don't forget to look at all the great images that go with that..I am warning you, some are graphic.) All goes according to plan until the surgeon open him up...and there is more involved then he anticipated...great. So he leaves Nate's wound open for healing. Seriously, it's a huge sacral wound. I couldn't believe they sent him home with such a large open wound.

I was feeling pretty crappy that day. And now I am really worried about how I am going to handle this working 24 hour shifts. I requested off the weekend after his surgery, but my request was denied. By the end of tuesday I was in a lot of pain (sinus and ear wise) and decided that I would have to make an appointment with my doc the next day.

At my doctor it was determined that I had a double ear infection and a sinus infection. So I got a prescription for that...so I was on the road to recovery so I could take care of Nate. He wasn't doing so well so between me not feeling great and him being in extraordinary pain I called out for the weekend.

We had an episode where he had some relatively serious bleeding from his wound, but after holding pressure on it for a while it stopped and he just laid flat for a while.

The follow up appointment with the surgeon went okay, he was happy with the healing process. I figured he would say either that or it looked horrible. I guess that the 3 to 4 to 5 packing and dressing changes a day were doing him well and I was doing it "right."

I was nervous to leave him this morning for work for 24 hours...but he has been doing well the past few days. But I called my boss and told him that I needed to go home a few times to change his packing...and my boss was okay with that. Well, before I could get over there the first time Nate calls me and explains that he is bleeding.

Being the calm guy that he is it didn't initially concern me that he called because he sounded so collected on the phone, until I asked how badly he was bleeding. And his answer scared me...he asked that I come right away because he was bleeding pretty badly. To Nate, nothing is bad. So when he says it's bad...it's bad.

So my partner and I go in the ambulance, while in route I call my boss and I take the ambulance out of service to the public (thankfully we did because not too long after we got there we got a call that went to the next due ambulance.) My partner stayed out in the ambulance while I went inside.

I knew as soon as I walked in the room that something needed to be done, and whatever that was, it wasn't happening in that room. I said to him that we needed to call the surgeon...but he wanted me to look at it first. He was doing a pretty good job of holding gauze over his wound, but he really couldn't put pressure on it with the location of where it was. So when I removed the gauze I tried to stay as calm as possible, but I was scared to death...the entire left side of his wound was split open in the middle and it was just gushing.

So, we called the surgeon's office and they said to come in right away. So, off we go in the ambulance. We get there, and there isn't a doctor in the office. The nurse was so harsh and hard on his wound and basically only concurred with my "something needs to be done" determination. So she calls Nate's doctor and he tells her that she needs to cauterize it. She told us that she could do it, or we could go to the ER. Poor Nate was in so much pain that he just wanted to get it over with. This nurse was not very reassuring and brought another nurse in the room because she was so insistent that she needed help because it was so bad. Then they were having this conversation in front of Nate about how bad this was and how this should NOT be happening 10 days after his surgery. I felt like slapping them...you don't say that in front of him. My goodness.

They wanted to try one kind of cauterizing method...no, maybe we should try this one. Then ANOTHER nurse walks in and was like "what do you want to use to numb it?" And the first nurse was so dramatic and says "there's no time to numb it!" And proceeds to burn his wound. It took every ounce of self control to not slap this woman. I wanted to speak up so bad, but Nate was in so much pain, and I knew whatever I said would delay his much needed treatment. I was afraid that it would tick him off since I am not a nurse and they were, and I shouldn't question them. Anyone good in health care knows that even if you DON'T know what you are doing, at least PRETEND in front of the family!

Nate was really a trooper through this whole thing. I think I caught a glimpse of what men feel when their women are in labor, and there is nothing that they can do about the pain. Only Nate couldn't yell at me about this being my fault!

I am exhausted. I feel horrible for my husband. And Ty has been amazing through all of this. He actually had an awesome week...Jenn, Coby and Ella came up monday and then tuesday he has a playdate with a preschool friend, and then wednsday a preschool mom picked Ty up for me so I could take Nate to his follow up appointment, so Ty spent the afternoon with his best friend from preschool. He was loving life. He has been very understanding with me changing Nate's "band aid" because it takes about 10-15 minutes each time I had to do it, and he knows that I had to be left alone to do it. ( I don't want him to see Nate's wound )

But that's why I haven't really been around posting much. It's all a day in the life of me.

Living the dream: Tropical paradise sounds really good right now.