Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Mo Money...

Ah ha! My clever prediction about my ex complaining about money came much sooner then I thought.


Ty has a birthday party tomorrow at 1pm and it's supposed to last until 3pm. (you see, invited to one vent at the JCC and suddenly we are popular!) I told Randy that if I leave the party promptly at 3pm that will place me in prime rush hour traffic on the baltimore beltway. I simply asked (kindly) if he could meet me somewhere closer to his old house so I won't want to fight 83 traffic AND 95 traffic.



"I don't know Stacey, between having to come up to York twice a week and working in DC I just don't have the gas money for this..."



My reply...



"well you decided that was fine for the custody arrangement and YOU decided to move further away from York so please explain to me how that is my problem?"



You see...I meet him down 83 weekly to help him out. I am not required to...I just do it because I would rather not hear him bitching about driving all the way up to my house.



Once, just once I ask him to meet me and suddenly it's an issue.



I can't wait for him to get served. Actually that was something that I had hoped would happen while I had Ty during this past week. I don't know what's taking the courts this long to let him become aware of my intentions.



It seems that he has also decided to go back to school. As a matter of face being asked to leave the paramedic program not once, but twice now has let him to believe that maybe he should consider changing ideas on career paths. Yes, it seems that Randall has decided the world of nursing is calling his name.



I literally laughed out loud when he told me. Call me ignorant, but when he did, instead of hearing an encouraging "good for you!" or "wow, what a great idea!" He got a snide..."what makes you think you can do nursing when you can't even handle paramedicine?" The clinicals alone he couldn't handle...that's what got him kicked out of paramedic school and nursing has 3 times as many requirements. But, classic Randy is not blaming himself for his failures in the past...it was the administration of the program...and the nursing program has different administration. Okey Dokey. Yeah. Why am I hearing the Barnum & Bailey Circus Theme in the backround when I think about Randy and college?



But! Alas! All the more reason why he CAN'T have Ty...because now he will have school and clinicals almost every night of the week.



Whatever.



I might actually find myself being wrong at this point because like any spiteful ex wife I should figure this is two-fold for me. For one..if he fails (most likely outcome) then I get to mock the idea of him trying to better himself in the third failed attempt. However, if he does actually succeed...then I can take him back to court and get more support since he will be making TONS more money... :) There, you see...two fold.





In other news, Nate got a call from an old friend this past week and made me realize that our plans will be carried out. I listened as he explained our entire plan to move to the Islands as soon as possible. It was nice to hear Nate tell someone else for a change.



We prepared our taxes for last year and let me say that it was SO nice to have Ty as a deduction. Luckily, even before Nate met me he was claiming zero on his taxes. I can't believe how much money he made. I am not used to seeing such high numbers. Last year when I prepared my taxes, my adjusted gross income was $11,000. Now it's nearly ten times that, and we still get a refund since we both have claimed zero and we have Ty and all of Nates student loans.



So we will be paying off the 3 smallest credit cards that we have and that will leave only 4 (or 5 maybe?) more...but they have the largest balances. But paying off the smaller one's will allow us to put an additional $300 a month towards the higher cards. I feel like this will be a never ending race.



We have been discussing a baby. Not as much as I would like to...but maybe that's a good thing because literally one day I feel like I would give anything to be pregnant, and then the next I thank God that I am not. I am so bipolar when it comes to that.



Ty has been even better this week then he was last. He makes me want to have 4 more kids...but then I think about how nice it is to have couple time, and that's time we won't have with a baby since neither of us have family or really close friends to help out. And then what if the baby isn't healthy, and so many other normal concerns. I am giving myself an ulcer about it and we are not even being serious about talking about even trying.



I am just afraid that one day, 20 years from now I am going to wake up and regret not having any more. Trust me, I feel very fortunate to have Ty...and it's not that I don't appreciate having him, but I don't know if I want him to be an only child. I have always thought that once I am 30...I would be done having children...and that's 2 1/2 years away. To some that may seem like a lifetime, but it really is just around the corner.



Living the dream: I am getting old. How can I ensure that I will wake up and have no regrets? I guess that is impossible...

Friday, January 25, 2008

Week in review...

I have had an incredible week this past week with Ty and my husband.

Nate ended up being put on call almost every night that he was supposed to work this week so I ended up having him home with me every night. It has been such a treat. Even tonight as I work he was put on call so he came to the fire station and we were fortunate enough to not have any calls and we enjoyed a movie together.

Ty has been such a pleasure. We ended up having a packed week. We enforced the sticker system that the therapist suggested and so far I have seen a night and day difference. Who would have thought...stickers? I didn't even know how much of a margin for improvement there was until this past week. I know that Ty is not the best child in the world, by far...but this past week has put a lot of perspective on things.

Ty and I traveled to Hershey Medical Center for his surgical consultation. Ty was diagnosed with Phimosis. This makes me sad. It's not a bad thing, per se...as long as it is corrected. Thank God he had that issue a few weeks ago, or it would have gone unnoticed for a while longer and the detriment factor of this could be much greater then it really is right now.

Surgery is scheduled for April 22nd. Not my prime idea of how I wanted to spend his spring break...but it's needed. He will have a circumcision and that should be the "cure."

Tuesday night Nate, Ty, and I went to see Diego Live. It was so cool and Ty loved it. It makes me want to take him to the theatre more often. I hope he will appreciate the arts as much as I do. Nate seemed to enjoy himself a bit as well.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Martin Luther King Jr....

In the mind of a 4 year old...

I pick Ty up from Randy...

"mom, is today a preschool day, or no?"

"No Ty, you don't have preschool today"

"Why?"

"Because today is Martin Luther King Jr Day."

"oh, so the day that all the kings and queens have is a day we have off preschool?"

"umm, something like that, Ty."

I didn't want to try to explain to a 4 year old about the reason for this day...maybe in a few years.

Living the Dream:  I had a dream that my ex was actually on time with meeting me to get my son back..guess I will just have to keep on dreaming.....

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Appreciation...

I don't think I appreciate my husband enough. I don't know where this is coming from this morning, but I am thinking about how he worked last night and the night before, and how he has to work again this evening and then again tomorrow. I only work 2 days a week. I know that I still make over 40 hours a week, but it allows me to be at our house and get things done.

Lately I have been slacking on laundry...I have been griping about the dishes, and I have been complaining about how "messy" the house is. Well, what am I doing when I am home? I pick up and try to keep up with things, but I have let my OCD tendencies fall by the wayside. I found myself expending just way too much energy trying to keep things 'just so." And it was SO much easier when it was just my stuff to keep in order, Nate has 3 times the amount of things that I had. Plus my laundry has become more complicated. I had a precise plan. I only had white towels so when I washed my whites, I would also be washing my towels. So alas, I had only 2 loads of laundry to do a week. Then came Nate.

Nate has colored towels, and unlike myself he will only use a towel once. This created a LOT of laundry. So, now I have one load just for towels. Nate has scrubs that need to be washed in hot water. So, that's 2 loads. Nate has the occasional hand wash stuff that needs to be washed separately, load #3, then we have the whites, and then we have the colors. So I have increased my loads from 2 to about 5. It's hard to keep up with.

I love my husband. I love him so much, but he also has a dish washing deficiency. I mentioned to him the other day about how I wish he would at least rinse the dishes off before putting them in the sink. On the days that I work and he eats I come home to crusty dishes, and since there is no dishwasher I spend a lot more time and my elbow grease cleaning them. He has been great at rinsing them since I mentioned this to him. I guess he just never thought about it. But at the end of the day I guess I shouldn't complain. And he does do them on occasion, and he cooks more then the average male too, so there I REALLY shouldn't complain.

He is awesome with making sure the bills are paid on time and that we always have a nice variety of netflix movies coming our way...he works 5-6 days a week. I just don't get why I am complaining.

Once Ty starts kindergarten it's really going to be tough. I will have to do the 5 day a week shuffle. I will have to get the dreaded Monday through Friday job...something I said I would never do. And then pay for after school care since kindergarten is only a half day here. I am so not looking forward to it. So, until I am out of the house 5 days a week to I feel like I have no grounds for complaining. I am starting to make myself feel bad. Nate has been very good to Ty and I. I hope he knows how much I appreciate him.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Moderatly Unstable....

That's how I classified my past patient so far today. It's just been one of those days.

First I left the house with Nate's phone instead of mine.

Then our first call of the day I drove to the wrong address. It's like I completely ignored the dispatched address and went to where I wanted to go instead. (It was an older folks retirement apartment complex. We have 2 in our first due are and I decided to go to the opposite one)

And THEN on the second call of the day we had to go into our FOURTH due area to where I don't know which end is up and took 20 minutes to find the blasted place.

It's just not getting better.

In lighter news...it seems as though I have been accepted by the "head" preschool mom now. There is this women that just has never been able to make eye contact with me, and she always seems to be planning all this extra stuff outside of school for the kids and what not and she will speak right in front of me, but not TOO me. I accepted the fact that because I didn't drive a Range Rover or a Volvo I wouldn't be accepted, but please. So, last week Nate decided to come up to the school with me to pick Ty up, and while we were in the waiting area to get our kiddo's this women walks right up to Nate and starts speaking to him. Well, when Ty came running up to him she was just like..."oh, is this your son?" And Nate said, "no, he's my step son." and then that's when I stepped beside Nate and just looked at her and squinched my nose and smiled.

Let me put it to you this way, by the end of the conversation we were invited to her pizza party next week. And just for giggles I am going only with TY. I laughed all the way to the car to Nate...isn't it funny how NO ONE talked to me the ENTIRE school year ( which is half over by the way) until NATE comes in with me and suddenly now we are being invited to things? Hmmmm.

I am amused.

I am deeply amused.

Nate thinks I am crazy.

Moving on.... I got an e mail from my atty today. She stated that she sent me the modification for custody 8 days ago and she had yet to hear from me. Well maybe that's because I never got it. So she re sent it. It's brilliant. Randy is going to be ticked.

Ty has his first apmt with the therapist alone this past week. I am not too happy. I am getting the impression that he thought I came to him pulling my hair out not knowing what to do with this child behavior wise, and that simply is not the case.

We'll give it some time to see what happens.

Nate and I drove Ty down to his "new" house last night for the first time. It was further away then I thought. Now, it was snowing when we went, so it took about an additional 4o min from his old house, but I can translate that to an additional 20-25 minutes each way. Sorry. I am not liking that at all.

Living the Dream: Custody...it's even more expensive to deal with then therapy....

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Compromise


So my employer and I worked out a "reasonable" compromise to my time off request. I will only be working a 12 hour shift on the Friday after Nate's surgery as opposed to a 24 hour shift....but I will still work my Sunday as scheduled. I am not entirely happy about it, but I also got in writing that I have also been approved to stop by my house at least once that Friday to check on Nate and change any dressings that would need to be changed. I guess I can't complain.

In other news, I finally heard from my soon to be non-atty about an e mail that I sent to her about Ty getting picked up over 2 hours late from pre school on Friday...she said even though she is sure it was traumatic for Ty (and it was) that it works out to our benefit in the long run. Randy has in fact moved from the old house to the new one, and if I had any question if that did actually occur then I got my proof this morning when he had Ty call me this morning to tell me how "nice" it is sitting at breakfast and being able to look out the window and see the Chesapeake Bay. I am sure Randy had a euphoric sense as he gleefully punched my phone number in for Ty to brag to me about his new place that he is so 'stoked' to have.

I'll tell you, anyone that is foreclosing on a house that they are paying $2200 a month for would probably take that opportunity to look for more affordable housing...but not my ex-husband. Nooooo. again, because he feel so entitled to everything that he wants out of life (i.e house by the water) because his ex-wife has made his life so miserable he felt that it was more then okay to sign a 2 year lease on a house that is renting for the bargain price of $1800 a month. Big whipty flippin do...a whooping $400 a month he will be saving...yet he has failed to realize that his $200 Gas and Electric bill that he had at the old, substantially smaller house will most in fact double or more with this place. (slapping hand on forehead) So, I am sure in about 4 weeks or so I will hear the familiar bitching about how he can't pay his bills.

Just wait until he gets what's coming to him by way of his atty. The modification of custody and child support. And this time I am not opting for anything other then what the child support guidelines say. Period. Sappy, feeling sorry for you Stacey is gone. Long gone.

We have a busy week this week. I am working some extra overtime tomorrow. Nate works tomorrow night. Then Tuesday Ty has his appointment with the Therapist. Wednesday Nate has physical therapy...and then Thursday Ty and I are having lunch with Bette (old boyfriends mom...long story, but we still talk and meet often) Phew.

Living the dream: Ty gets Mental Health Therapy, Nate gets Physical Therapy,...can I get some Massage Therapy?

Friday, January 11, 2008

Answered Prayers...

So I mentioned in my last post about how frustrated I have become with a coworker. Not that I wish harm on anyone, but it has come to my attention that this person will be out of work for several weeks because of a health issue.

You know, things always seem to work out because if I was working with this person today as scheduled...with the day that I have had I would have most likely lost my job. I had a situation with Ty today that has really made me learn to control my emotions and realize that I cannot control everything and enable my ex husband to not take responsibility for his actions.

Pre School is over at 11:30am. But at 12:30 today I received a call from his school asking when I was coming to pick Ty up. Hmmmm, it's Randy's day and Ty is STILL at the JCC. The story goes that he got stuck in traffic, but I can't imagine that he got stuck for over 2 hours. So, this will ultimately end up being a good thing in the long run.

I am getting increasingly frustrated with this cycle that we are going through.

And in other news today, I put in a request for time off when Nate is having surgery next month, and the request went denied. I was very upset about that. So, one way or another I will have to get around that. For a job that I know I won't have past the summer, I just don't know how much I am willing to tolerate.

It's just been a poor day. :(

Living the dream: Maybe I can start to collect unemployment and be done with it.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Let's put it in one word...Frustrated.

So, I am frustrated.  I historically have not had an awesome track record from dealing with stress.  Stress to me is such a loose word.  You hear people say every day "oh I am so stressed out." And then you find that they are bitching about the fact that their coffee had too much cream and it threw off their whole day.  If I say that I am stressed out, it's for good reason.

For reasons that I wish to not elaborate at the moment, I can't stand my job.  I get sick to my stomach when I have to go into work.  But only on one day.  The other day I am delighted to be getting paid to do what I do.  I have taken it up with management to resolve the issues that I have and they have gone ignored.  Every person that I work with, with the exception of ONE person is having the same issues; however, the boss feels as if he ignores the issues, they will simply go away.  Well, news flash.  Sooner or later, the only thing going away are his employees.  

So, that's that.

Then, I was hit with the BLOW that my hard to find ball busting awesome attorney told me yesterday that she is leaving private practice.  The whole file that I just re opened with her will go to trial without her.  I have to find a new attorney.  This makes me sad for several reasons.  First off...she knows everything about me and the case, it will be hard to build the relationship that I have with her, with someone else.  Secondly...she's cheap.  This is what is leading me to believe that she is leaving. She is burned out.  I would bet any amount of money on that.  So, I am upset and stressed about finding an equally good attorney.  PLUS I will have to give a retainer to another atty that will be in the ballpark of 1 to 2 thousand dollars.  Yeah, I have that in my back pocket.

Also, I have been spending mad amounts of money on medical bills for Ty.  Between his collar bone and recent illnesses, Randy's insurance is by far the WORST I have come to find and I have been spending about an average of $200 a month for the past few months for him.  Keep in mind that with his preschool being $290 a month, I have NO extra money in child support to help with these expenses.  And I got a bill in the mail today from a doc for over $40.  Tomorrow he has an appointment and that's a $40 co-pay...and in 2 weeks he has an appointment that will be another $40.

So like I said...I am frustrated and just generally stressed out at the current moment.

Grrrrr.

Living the dream: I think I will pray for the copayment fairy to pay me a visit tonight.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

A Night in Nokesville

Nathanael and I are brave souls. We both worked friday night into saturday morning and came home to sleep for a brief period of time and then ventured to his home town of Nokesville, about 2 1/2 hours away. We ended up having dinner with his parents. His mother is a fabulous cook, so I certainly don't mind that.

We discussed where we would be traveling to for his mother's 50th birthday. We have been discussing this topic pretty much ever since Nate and I have known each other. But now it's pretty much getting down to the wire with making decisions since her birthday is in early April. Sometimes I seriously question my mental status becuase the other day on the phone when I was talking with Linda about the topic of her birthday I seriously screwed up because I didn't know when her birthday was exactly in the month of April. So, when I asked her when it was and she answered..."it's the 5th." I followed that up with..."huh, for some reason the 10th was standing out to me." She was silent for a moment and then said..."Stacey, um...the 10th is your anniversary." Wow. Yes, it sure is. My first wedding anniversary. Ooookay. So moving on...

Back to last night...

Linda has narrowed her choices down to St. Martin and Jamaica when we got there. She had Nate's old book about the Carribean and this is what she chose. After discussing this a bit Jamaica went out of the line up. St. Martin was too expensive after some research, and then she says..." Well I would love to go to Bora Bora...how much does that cost?" I know she wasn't entirely serious, and how fun it would be just to dream...so we looked up JUST airfare. Go ahead, take a guess how much. Airfare from Los Angeles to Bora Bora (It's right around Tahiti...in the South Pacific) You can fly there for the bargain price of $3,400. And no, that it not a typo. It's over three thousand dollars. So the short answer on that one is...Bora Bora is out.

We'll see where we end up. I just sent away for my new passport. What a cluster it was going to Fiji with the one I had. It had my maiden name on it...so, when Nate made the arrangements he made them in my married name of Fox...so my maiden name was on my passport...Fox was on the itineraries, and then by the time we went I had changed my ID to my current married name of Tucker...so, needless to say, checking into the airlines was interesting. I felt like I was in an episode of national lampoons goes to the south pacific.

"May I help you..."
"Yes we would like to check in for our flight..."
Nate goes first, no problem...his name has never changed.
Then it was my turn...
"Ma'am..."
"Oh, yes...here is my ticket...it says Fox. And here is my passport, it says Lichtenthal....but I have been remarried since so here is my ID that says Tucker. But I have the divorce decree that states that my name was Fox at one point, as it was when the reservations were made. And here is my current marriage certificate showing that I am, in fact, legally a Tucker now and is lists that my maiden name was Lichtenthal as it is on my passport."

Mmm, hmmmm...I wonder what the manifest stated as to what my name was at the time of departure. Well I suppose it doens't matter anyway.

Yeah, so I don't want to go through THAT again.

But after discussing this trip to come for a while we put the decision ultimatley in the hands of Linda since it is her birthday. I just don't know what I will be doing with Ty. Depending on where we end up going and when will determine if I take him or not.

We ended up leaving virginia around 10:30...which put us home after midnight and I had to be up for work at 6am for my 24 hour shift. Like I said...we were brave. And Nate had to drive home after being up all night the night before and only getting about 4 hours of sleep. But we made it home with no problems. I had trouble falling asleep in the car. Usually I don't have that problem, but last night marked the second day of my monthly visitor and the cramps that I was experiencing were horrible. I swear I caught Nate singing during the drive, but he flat out denies it. I don't believe him. He's so sweet.

Living the dream: Take me anywhere with a beach, I don't care.

Friday, January 4, 2008

New Year, New Blog...Are we moving yet?


In my efforts to fulfill my time efficiently while I am working I decided to start intense process of researching various Caribbean islands to be able to declare which islands would be the best suited for our family.


Now, Nate thinks that this is all premature, since we have several goals before we can follow through with this plan of moving to the islands... However, what else am I supposed to do while working a 24 hour shift and sometimes we are not always busy.


Neither of us make decisions on a whim when it comes to these sort of things...although, the people that know us and our history of our very short courtship before our betrothal would argue that point; however, for the sake of argument I have to say that in every other aspect of our lives we research the heck out of everything. Example...Nate came to my station one day while I was working right after we got married and it took us about 2 hours to decide which checks had the *perfect* pattern for us. (we decided on penguins, by the way)


Anyway, I digress....so the goals that we need to accomplish before we can even consider moving anywhere include a lot of things that the time to complete them is completely beyond our control.


For example...Nate feels that he needs at least 2 years experience in an ICU before he can write his own ticket elsewhere. I agree. He hasn't been at YH quite a year yet. So, obviously we can't control how fast time moves.


Nate also feels as if it is absolutely necessary to pay off all our credit card debt. I agree as well since when we move we not only want to feel as if we have to work as much as we do now (especially him, he is working crazy mad amounts of hours) But we both also agree that while we need to buckle down to get things paid off, we don't want to stress each other out and just not have any fun right now. So, that is just going to take time too.


Then, we are dealing this this custody nonsense. Once and for all I am hoping that we can seal the deal this third go around with it. Otherwise, if we just decide to up and leave the country I would have to deal with International Child Abduction issues, and I don't think I want to deal with all that. That might be too traumatic for Ty to deal with.


But other then that...what's holding us back? Doesn't every person long to live in paradise...I mean, someone has to live there, it might as well be us, right?


And I can say that we have been making remarkable progress on the debt front. We were just going over some bills and out of the 10 or so debts that we have we have managed to pay off 3 in the past few months, and we are on track to pay off another 2 by march. This of course is mostly because we are following the "pay off the lowest amounts owed first, and then work your way up to the bigger obligations..." So, does the $300 Target card really count? YES! It does! It's one more notch on the tree...it's progress. It makes me feel better anyway. It's the last 2 that I am a bit more worried about.


So, even with all of that I have managed to remain optimistic and narrowed our island choices down substantially. After coming home from work one morning and declaring to Nate that I decided that the perfect island for ME has been chosen, he tells me that maybe we should just move down south for a while, and THEN after Ty is out of school we make the big move.


I did find in my research that we are not the only Americans crazy enough to consider doing this...some people actually have gone through with it, even after they had children. On a lot of the "not so poor" islands there are even schools set up for expats and their children...so Ty wouldn't be a minority. And we would go to a primarily English speaking island, so it's not like we would all have to learn another language.


But still, after all of this...Nate is still shaking his head saying that I am acting in haste. As he might say it, since I am a women I am genetically pre dispositioned for a few things...complaining, whining, and demanding instant gratification. What's the harm in dreaming? So what if I bookmarked island real estate websites and picked a modest beach cottage on the west side of Dominica. Is that really so bad...as long as I am not buying plane tickets and ordering shipping materials, I'd say that it's all harmless dreaming at this point.
Living the Dream: Maybe I should just charter a plane and be done with it.